Jesus weeps

Sophie, her little cookie baking guest, (I'll call her Lucy,) and I, all looked up in surprise as lightning flashed through the kitchen yesterday afternoon. We had about 15 seconds to wonder "what was that," when the confirming crash of thunder pealed in the distance. It was raining cats and dogs.

Lucy was playing at our house while her parents visited the OB/GYN with hopeful expectations of hearing a new tiny heartbeat, and beginning the amazing family journey of bringing forth new life. Those hopes were dashed. As the first batch of chocolate chip cookies were placed in the oven, Lucy's parents returned, and with a shake of her head, Mom relayed the painful news.

Rain poured down.

People often talk about the weather when they don't know what to say, and after, "I'm so sorry," this was me,.... silent. But it did feel like the dreary darkened day spoke significance, so I ventured, aloud, a comparison of the mood with the weather. Right away Lucy's dad agreed, "Whenever something terrible happens in our lives, it always rains." "People don't believe us," he added, "but it's true. So when we walked out the the office to this downpour, we weren't surprised."

This reminded me of an experience I had a while back; I shared with my friends.

Sitting in my car, in a coffee shop parking lot, in the dark of predawn, waiting for the rain to die down, I cried to the GOD who loves me. Struggling with depression, I spoke out my sorrow, through tears. "I haven't heard YOUR voice in so long, and YOU know how important that is to me." I implored, "How can I keep going on if we don't communicate. I feel so alone."

At that moment, above the white noise of pounding rain, though soft and quiet and as gentle as it was clear, I heard GOD speak. "I'm here with you now, we are sitting here in your car, having a good cry." I watched the streams of water flow down my windshield like HIS tears washing all around me. HE knows, I thought. HE knows me to the depths. GOD weeps for me, for us.

"That's powerful," replied my grieving friends. I hoped it helped.

As Jesus hung on the cross, it didn't seem trivial for the gospel writers to describe how the sky turned black; surely the weather on that day reflected GOD's mood. And one of my favorite depictions of GOD, "angry" at HIS enemies (and, consequently, OUR enemies) comes from Psalm 18:

The earth trembled and quaked,

and the foundation tofhe mountains shook;

they trembled because HE was angry.

smoke rose from HIS nostrils;

consuming fire came from his mouth,

burning coals blazed out of it.

HE parted the heavens and came down;

dark clouds were under his feet.

HE mounted the cherubim and flew;

HE soared on the wings of the wind.

HE made darkness his covering, his canopy around him-

the dark rain clouds of the sky.

Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,

the LORD thundered from heaven;

with hailstones and bolts of lightning.

The voice of the MOST HIGH resounded.

HE shot HIS arrows and scattered the enemies,

great bolts of lightning, and routed them.....

He reached down from on high and took hold of me;

HE drew me out of deep waters.

HE rescued me from my powerful enemy,

from my foes, who were too strong for me.

They confronted me in the day of my disaster,

but the LORD was my support.

HE brought me out into a spacious place;

HE rescued me because HE delighted in me..."

I believe in, and LOVE with all my heart, a GOD who doesn't always get HIS way on this earth, nor in what HE created - but IS IN CONTROL. A GOD who steps down and routs the enemies of our soul, while showing HIS terribly awesome power in the heavens, empathizing with the storm HE SEES in our hearts.

I believe HE shows us HIS compassion in this way. "Subjective and coincidental" one may say, about claiming to hear the LORD speak through thunder clouds and rain. When it comes to hearing GOD's voice, believing is seeing. Sometimes a person has to step through C.S. Lewis' spiritual "wardrobe" to experience "Narnia," where the creatures, the trees and even the wind do Aslan's bidding. Next time you wake in the night to driving rain and claps of thunder, take a moment to consider that JESUS weeps.

Metaphor from a "Monster Bike"

Mid-March in the high 70s inspired the first bike ride of the season; Kevin and Kyria set out on a 10 mile, with Mom, Annika and Sophie pedaling along for moral support. I usually try to pull up the rear, keeping a gage on how all are doing, but for 3 miles, Annika couldn't seem to stay ahead of me and I just couldn't idle slow enough. At the speed of the runners, the pace wasn't challenging, so I wondered at the pained look on poor Anni's face. Surely this kid was in better shape than her mom, yet she just couldn't keep up. At the City Market, our first water stop, I convinced her sister, Sophie, to switch bikes with her, suspicious that her mount was the problem. Annika needed a break.

1/2 a mile later, with Annika happily zipping along, but Sophie lagging sorely behind, a contorted frown swept across her face, I offered to ride the "monster." I imagined some difficulty, since the bike is a bit on the small side for my frame, but I was in for an unexpected amount of excruciating exercise! The next mile felt like pumping my pedals through murky mud up to my knees.

I tried different gears; even on the down-hills, the monster bike wouldn't even coast; it just slowed to a stop. As I sweated and strained, resolving to just hang out with the rhinos at the Zoo till Kev could pick me up with the car, I noticed the front wheel. I'd been working so hard, standing up most of the way, I hadn't noticed the rubber breaks pinching tight against the front tire, rendering regular resistance and a real pain in my posterior.

At the Zoo, Dad made a quick adjustment to the bothersome breaks, releasing the friction. A game of musical bikes, then, returned us all to our appropriate mounts. We were off. Everyone happily rolling along. Oh the difference properly working equipment makes.

During my one mile workout against the breaks, and for the remainder of the pleasant ride after Kevin released them, I reflected on how this experience parallels and illustrates the effects of spiritual oppression in day to day life. What should be fun and easy, the "coasting" aspects of life happenings, like family movie nights or vacation get aways, are endured with a plastic smiles, a manufactured laughs but an invisible ache inside.

The flat stretches of road, which should require little effort and offer pleasant views along the way, ie: going through the day to day necessities of keeping house, preparing meals, sending birthday cards, becomes, instead, a grueling exercise. Focus and concentration are needed to simply put one foot in front of the other, trying to not look any farther ahead than the task immediately at hand, for fear of breaking down. You pray and hope yourself to the end of the day, when you can tell yourself "I've survived! - 16 hours closer to heaven." - THIS depicts the flatlands.

And the most discouraging part of the analogy are the uphill inclines! When one of your children pitches a fit, when a relational challenge with a friend stares you in the face, when a scheduling mistake leaves you scrambling to present an apology as well as a solution, then, you are suddenly exhausted and overwhelmed. Immobile with indecision and a feeling of defeat, even before you begin, the gentle incline or bump in the road looms before you as if it were a 14,000 footer breathing down your neck, declaring "you'll never make it; don't even try."

The monster bike metaphor, fortunately, DOES end with HOPE! Spiritual oppression, like dragging breaks, can be alleviated through prayers of deliverance and inner healing. I've experienced this first hand on many occasions. I've, in an instant, felt suffocating heaviness lift from my shoulders and heart. I've seen a brightening in my vision I can only liken to what I might experience if I had been wearing dark green eyeglasses, tinted with pessimism, for months, and then, on a beautiful spring morning someone took them off. Situations and people all looked new and different, less threatening. Best of all, the fruit of these freeing prayers have remained - tangible, teachable and life-changing.

You may, like me, ask WHY am I - a JESUS-loving, trying-to-live-a-godly-life kinda gal like myself even susceptible to Spiritual Oppression in the first place?? You may have noticed I mentioned experiencing deliverance and inner healing on MANY occasions. Well.... sigh... I guess the humble answer is: I'm flesh, made of dust.

"The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.,"

Psalm 103:6 assures us, "As a father has compassion on his children,

so the LORD has compassion on those who fear HIM.

for HE knows how we are formed, HE remembers that we are dust...."

A friend, with whom I shared my monster bike metaphor, reminded me that this process of repeatedly releasing the "breaks," of oppression, characterizes the life with JESUS. Oppressive thoughts and attitudes, deceptive defenses which don't really defend, and the residue of hurtful experiences and sinful reactions, from our conception to present, ALL work against us - towards bondage. Our enemy, the devil, also finds plenty of fodder for foiling a victorious life with GOD in all this baggage we drag along our bike path.

I highly recommend a full, out-loud reading of Psalm 103, for anyone who's been stirred by this metaphor and subject. Also, Psalm 129 offers hope.

"They have greatly oppressed me from my youth,

but they have NOT gained victory over me.....

the LORD is righteous; HE has cut me free from the cords of the wicked...."

May the blessing of the LORD be on you, readers and may your wheels roll happily along!

The Eccentricities of HIS voice

On a "spring ahead - lose-an-hour-Sunday morning," I wanted to crock-pot a roast with veggies for after church guests, leave the house in decent order, arrive early enough to package the benevolence bread (6 garbage bags full) and appear in the prayer room for pre-service prayer by 9 a.m. Thankfully, along life's way, I have birthed a small army (four great kids) to help me in all my endeavors. In the prayer room, when Kent asked me if I had any "prayer leadings" or "senses" that morning, I was embarrassed to say, I hadn't yet prayed much at all. But as 7 of us gathered for that hour btw. 9 and 10a.m., GOD came, with the awesome peace and electricity of HIS presence, and spoke in an eccentric language of connections, which we are beginning to understand.

In his teaching on The Gift of Prophecy last week, Nathaniel explained how GOD speaks to each one of us in a language especially personally and understandable. Knowing how we individually operate, what we think about and dwell on, HOLY SPIRIT (I use these three, GOD, JESUS and HS, interchangebly, understanding them as one and the same) - can interject thoughts into our mind right before we read a highway billboard, give someone else a significant picture from our childhood to share with us, just as HE is reminding us about a truth that corresponds to the image, cause a car to hover in front of ours until we notice the "PS37 18" licence plate in front of us, commit to looking it up to find the Biblical verse directly answering the cry of our heart just minutes before. All three of these examples have actually happened to me over the years, strengthening my non-belief in coincidence.

Sunday morning, again, left me smiling with gratitude that we are not left alone in prayer, to praise and petition a silent or distant God who refuses to reciprocate our communication. In reality, HE initiates - GOD put thoughts in our minds and hearts as we began to listen that morning. After waiting in silence, several people asked GOD to give us eyes to see the needs of HIS children and to see what HE was doing in their hearts. During the waiting, I had seen a picture, in my mind, of two eyes on the same face, but looking in opposite directions - out to either side. Then, in my mind's image, hands came and turned the eyes back to front facing, training them straight ahead. This repeated again and again. Then I saw those black patches by the eyes, the kind they put on horses so they don't get spooked by bicycles and such. As I saw this vision during the silent listening time, I felt GOD was wanting me to ask HIM to focus and train our eyes away from ourselves and our circumstances, and look to HIM only - HIS Glory, HIS Presence, HIS Peace.

So, as others began to pray for EYES to see, I rejoiced to join them, and felt that in this theme, GOD was leading. One man, arriving late, spoke up in prayer, rather tentatively. "Lord, I am hearing some things this morning that seem a bit strange, but, out of obedience, I will speak them out - Give Kevin (our pastor) a servant's heart and a shepherd's voice this morning" I confirmed later that this man had no idea that the theme of Kevin's sermon was "the gift of Pastors - the servant shepherd."

After his sermon, Kevin's practice has become, taking a few minutes of silence to listen for Holy Spirit's direction in ministry. During this time, GOD spoke to Matt, who had not been with us in the pre-service prayer. He shared that he believed the the LORD wanted to speak to us about our EYES; He wanted to show us where and to whom He is ministering so we can move with Him. I spoke up then, too, encouraging him in his "hearing;" thematically, this was surely something GOD wanted to speak to his "sheep" that morning.

I know JESUS was at work in many people that morning, speaking personal words of encouragement in our individual "languages," but I'll mention just one more, as it's a first hand account. During the sermon Kevin had shared a personal story about his time as a camp counselor back in college, at which time he thought "This is what I was made for" - shepherding people. That phrase jumped out at me, as Kevin spoke it, and I had the sense that GOD wanted to minister to someone in the room for which that statement caused a "stir" in their spirit. So I had written in down and circled it, so I didn't forget to share it later. After the listening time I did share what I felt GOD was saying for someone, and then, as Kevin and I were waiting at the front for anyone who wanted prayer, a man approached us. He confirmed that all I had spoken was exactly what he was thinking and feeling, when Kevin shared his story and "this is what I was made for.." phrase. GOD continued to encourage this friend, as we prayed for him, giving us pictures and words that spoke to his heart.

It strikes me that THIS is what we were all made for, to be in relationship with the ONE who created us, to help each other understand the eccentricities of HIS voice to see what HE sees and partner with HIM in what He's doing in this world.

GOD's willingness to teach is even greater than our desire to learn.

Once again, as I seek HIS face, GOD chooses to surprise me. Back to blogging about the ways in which He "speaks"...

This morning, during the pre-service prayer time, five of us met with GOD, and asked HIM to continue to teach us how to tune into HIS "voice," so that we can keep learning to effectively minister HIS encouragement and love to each other, and to a hurting world outside the walls of our church.

Later, during the service, as I listened to my husband preach about the gift of apostleship, I was struck with the thought of how intimidatingly high the calling to, and the operating in this gift sounded. I wondered at how many people would find the idea of such a ministry personally applicable and relevant. Then, I an impression came to mind, (I thought it might be from the LORD, rather than a thought of my own) "If you allow me to root out your 'distractions' - I (GOD) will help you hear my calling on your life." I jotted this down on a the back of the bulletin, with a "?" and another little added prayer "Lord, give confirmation."

As the sermon ended, we (the congregation) waited, silently listening for a few minutes, to see what GOD wanted to do next; we've been working on developing this habit in our church - making ROOM for GOD to speak, move on people's hearts, give impressions, words, etc. to those HE would use to encourage and minister to others that morning. Simply and *Biblically defined, words of wisdom, words of knowledge, prophesy, tongues and interpretation of tongues have each come forth from lay members of our congregation over the past month. (*1Corinthians 12:7-11) Today, after our listening time, three different people spoke out various words of wisdom and encouragement they thought to be from GOD. My impression seemed "faint," and I wondered that it may have come from my own thoughts; I didn't share it.

The next step in our service is Rev Kev calling to the front a "prayer team," willing and able men and women who will minister to any who come forward to ask for prayer at the close of the service, usually during the final song (s). As I sang and waited at the front, facing the rest of the congregation, I prayed for them. The music ended and no-one had come.... a first in many weeks. I asked silently, "LORD, was I supposed to give my 'word' ? Did someone not come for ministry because of my silence? Do you want me to say it NOW - it's practically over at this point. " I pleaded with GOD "You know I'm 'dust' (in other words, "I'm only human -give me a break") "YOU, LORD, could be more clear - YOU could send somebody up here to tell me to give my word.." (I did, after all, write that prayer asking for confirmation)

No sooner had I prayed this (above) prayer, than a man from the congregation came down front, stood before me and said, "This is a bit weird, but - do you have a word for me? I kinda feel like you may have a word for me."

Ordinarily, this question would have unnerved me a bit, as I'm not highly gifted in prophetic words. However, in light of everything I just shared, I was able to confidently share that, yes, I believed I did have a piece of encouragement for him specifically. Picking up my scrap of paper I had carried down to the front with me, I read to him what I had written; he confirmed that it hit him as personally applicable, so Kevin and I got the opportunity to pray for him about it. GOD is good!!

I find the LORD to be continually patient, and more desiring than I, when it comes to answering my prayers for learning to tune into HIS "voice" and relate to HIM as a friend.

Militance

"And GOD led his people by a pillar of cloud by day

and by a pillar of fire by night..."

Exodus 13:20

On the fifth Sunday of the month, our church celebrates a "Fire by Night" celebration, praising Jesus through singing, praying for one another and sharing the general goodness of GOD. This refreshing blessing of renewal and healing happens quarterly - and last night, Jan.29, we gathered again, anticipating GOD's presence. He showed up!

Halfway through the service, Kevin, led by the Holy Spirit, encouraged us to consider the word and idea of MILITANCE in our spirituality. A discussion ensued. Following, I've shared some thoughts on the subject; may they be helpful and encouraging.

The first two thirds of the Bible is so filled with accounts of warfare, bloodshed and conquest that it's difficult to reconcile such violence with Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace. I'm thankful to live under the New Covenant, ONE sacrifice - Jesus'. His blood is all that is needed.

Old Tetament military analogy teaches valuable lessons for our present post-New Testament lives. However, it's pertinent to any discussion on militancy, to hear Paul say

"Our battle is not against flesh and blood (anymore,)

but rather, against principalities, powers, rulers, authorities -"

Ephesians 6: 12

Whether or not we recognize it, we struggle against demonic spiritual beings who present themselves in diabolical opposition against men and women. These spiritual enemies desire the downfall and destruction of human beings, much like the foreign nations who opposed God's chosen people of old. When I read about Moses leading Israel out of slavery in Egypt and Josuah taking possession of the "promised land," I envision a metaphor - GOD delivering me from my past life of godlessness and sin, and guiding me into a spacious freedom, a "new land." I see all the wicked idol - worshiping nations, who GOD drove out before HIS people, as an illustration of spiritual housekeeping, releasing me from my collection of enemies of a past life - SPIRITUAL enemies - pride, bitterness, hatred and the like, are exiled to the far reaches of the galaxy, so I can live in peace.

Don't mistake my understanding of Genesis to Malachi as simply metaphorical. Unlike my college Old Testament professor, with whom I passionately argued, I believe all the events of the Old Testament, even the miraculous and inexplicable stories, actually happened. So, I can stand on their historicity as well as learn from their principles. Many strategies, insights and courageous inspirations can be gleaned from the warfare theodicy of the Old Testament.

Understanding God's heart of Love extending to all nations, with our only mutual enemy being spiritual, invisible, but personal and often tangible, is pertinent to learning from warfare theodicy. To grow in, and live out, victoriously, spiritual warfare, we need to know that "Our struggle is not against flesh and blood." Though humans, under the influences of wicked spiritual beings, can orchestrate whole systems of malevolent intent. When this happens, the enemy seems larger, more human in origin. But he is neither.

What CAN we learn from Old Testament Militancy mentality??

1.) First of all, worship IS warfare. In 2 Chronicles, chapter 20, we see King Jehoshaphat appointing "men to sing to the LORD and to praise HIM for the splendor of His holiness," as they went out at the head of the army, the LORD set ambushes against the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir, who were invading Judah, and they were defeated. GOD's children didn't even have to fight with sword, spear or bow. In Isaiah 30, we find the LORD's fury coming against prideful Assyria,

" The voice of the LORD will shatter ...,

with HIS scepter HE will strike them down.

Every stroke the LORD lays on them

with HIS punishing rod

will be to the music of tambourines and harps,

as HE fights them in battle with the blows of HIS arm."

The Psalms are full of worship as warfare examples. For instance, Ps. 149, which exhorts GOD's people to praise GOD with dancing, tambourine, harp and song, exclaims

"...may the high praises of GOD be in their mouths

and a double-edged sword in their hands

(possibly synonymous weapons),

to inflict vengeance ....and punishment....,

to bind their enemies with fetters, and with shackles of iron,

to carry out the sentence written against them. This," the psalmist reminds US,

"is the glory of ALL THE SAINTS."

I love this Psalm's reminder that the devil has a sentence WRITTEN AGAINST him already...

"Cursed are you (devil)..I (GOD) will put emnity

between you and the woman and her offspring.

He (mankind) will crush your head.."

Genesis 3:14

"..and the devil, who deceived them was thrown into

the lake of burning sulfur,....where he will be tormented

day and night for ever and ever"

Revelations 20:10

His fate is sealed; his time is short. When your enemy comes at you with shameful accuatsions, throw that in his face - and remember to worship.

Finally, Psalm 8, shows us that no-one is too young to join in the battle against GOD's enemy through worship,

"From the lips of children and infants

YOU have ordained praise

because of your enemies,

to silence the foe and the avenger."

2.) Secondly, "Possessing the Land" is a privilege and a command to be enjoyed and obeyed completely.

Taking our "promised land" can be likened to coming into our full salvation when we decide to love and follow Jesus - complete with mind renewal, inner healing from past hurts, freedom from emotional baggage which burdened us upon entry, physical wellness...and the list goes on and on. Old patterns of thinking and worldly perspectives need to be broken down, like the walls of Jericho so "new construction" may readily spring forth...

One can study the idea of militancy and vigilance from the Egyptian Exodus to the Babylonian captivity (the length of Israel's freedom) - but for the sake of time and space, one passage will suffice to speak some powerful analogy.

Exodus 23: beginning at verse 20 GOD tells HIS people that His Angel will go before them and drive out the many peoples who live in the land HE is giving to them. The Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites, Canaanites, Hivites, and Jebusites (I like to just refer to all these as the "ites") will all "turn their backs and run" as GOD's people worship HIM and follow what HE says. In addition to this housecleaning help, the LORD promises,

"Worship the LORD your GOD

and HIS blessing will be on you food and water.

I (God) will take away sickness from among you

and none will miscarry or be barren in your land.

I will give you a full life span."

Wow!

In verse 29, we are told,

"I will not drive them (the "ites") out in a single year,

because the land would become desolate

and the wild animals too numerous for you.

Little by little I will drive them out before you,

until you have increased enough

to take possession of the land."

How many times, in your walk with Jesus, have you wished that ALL your baggage, (insecurities, fears, doubts, chips on your shoulder, etc.) could just be wiped away at once - like maybe back when you first came to the LORD? And you could just quickly get on with living in freedom and serving and teaching/helping others - all those great purposes HE has for you - unencumbered by sin and it's many forms of residue.

Surly GOD is not slow in keeping HIS promises to us. Here, HE illustrates HIS "One-issue-at-a-time" plan for destruction and reconstruction, or deprogramming and reprogramming in our lives. After 20 years of living in this spiritually contaminated world, it's not uncommon to have collected legions of deceptive patterns of speech and actions, clouded perspective, deep wounds and debilitating scars - all packed quite safely in our heart. Add to this, destructive generational beliefs and sins, carried with us from conception, some unrecognized yet still wielding cutting power in our thinking. The crux of the cleansing problem often lies in the false protection and comfort we tend to feel from these less-than-ideal ideas. It isn't difficult to see why instant removal of all the old junk may not win us everlasting peace and freedom. As we continue to seek GOD and worship HIM, we will find HIM shining HIS light on one issue at a time, little by little removing our enemy enigmas.

One last insight from this Exodus passage can be found in verse 32, where Israel is warned (this warning is repeated numerous times)

"I will establish your borders.... I will hand over to you

the people who live in the land

and you will drive them out before you.

DO NOT make a covenant with them or with their gods.

DO NOT let them live in your land,

or they will cause you to sin against me,

because the worship of their gods will

certainly be a snare to you."

This is pretty tough, but clear. When Jesus shines HIS light on the next "issue" HE wants to deal with in our lives, we are exhorted to allow HIM to drive it out - without compromise. In the book of Joshua, great stories of conquest for Israel are recorded. What can also be seen is GOD's chosen people failing to seek HIM for guidance, making mistakes, making covenants with the "ites" and allowing them to live in their land. We get a glimpse, even vicariously experience, how GOD's mercy mingles with HIS judgement, as Israel continues to be snared, to fail and eventually to fall back into captivity.

Our chances for acquisition of the land and happily dwelling therein are MUCH BETTER than that of our ancient forefathers. Good news!!, because we live after Jesus's sacrifice and resurrection! However, these favorable odds don't diminish the importance of vigilance and militancy in our walk with Jesus.

The Collapsible Pill Cup

In a world that runs crazily 24/7 with noise and activity - even during resting or sleeping hours my head is often full of whirling busy thoughts and plans. I'm ever so thankful for the time spent in our Church's worship service, where the singing and, even the quiet instrumental music, stops so we can be silent before GOD, just to LISTEN for HIS still small voice. I find this practice, in my own private life with JESUS, invaluable - I couldn't survive, steadily, without it.

Recently I've been reminded of this, after spending a week of active vacation with my family, followed by a week of sickness - trying to get better on the run, for I really didn't have time for infirmity. What I also failed to make time for during my two week buzz, was quiet solitude with JESUS. The deficit I felt near the end of this spinning but empty stint, gave way to depressive and anxious thoughts. I'll end this little reminder by just saying that prayer and worship with a friend, and returning to a scheduled time of seeking the LORD in silence turned me around again to steadfast thinking and living.

Back to SILENT LISTENING time in Church...

Yesterday, God put in my mind an image of one of those plastic collapsible pill cups that ladies keep in their purse, sometimes with their days of the week pill cases, so as to take meds conveniently in the middle of the day. Just screw the cap off, twist the cup to its 3 inch height, fill it at the nearest drinking fountain - and your good. When I saw this simple image, I knew the cup represented our "reception" of God's SPIRIT in us, but didn't feel a strongly compelled to share it with the congregation, when the ministry time turned a different direction, I sat on it, then forgot about it. But as I've often found, when GOD wants to teach something, HE"ll bring thoughts back again - with flesh on. This morning as I worshiped, meditated on scripture and listened for HIS VOICE, the plastic cup image returned; this time it seemed to be filled with interpretation and I knew it was for the whole body.

In our spirits, too, there is a receptive "vessel," if you will, into which we may receive living water of GOD's HOLY SPIRIT. This living water, flowing from our bellies and welling up....," (John 7:38) is always available , every moment of a believer's life. BUT, our 'vessels' leak. "We leak," John Wimber, leader of the Vineyard movement for many years, was often quoted as saying. Because of this, we are commanded, instead of being "drunk on wine," "...to be filled.." - continually filled is the connotation of this exhortation - "...with the HOLY SPIRIT." (Eph. 5) Apparently, this condition of being "filled" is a tangible intoxication which effects our thoughts words and actions - like an alcoholic stupor would effect us in a noticeable way.

Many believers, I felt GOD speaking to me, carry their collapsible cups, packed neatly away, only to take them out at church or at shaky times - when a spiritual 'pill' is needed. We sip politely of the SPIRIT, while the HOLY SPIRIT is meant to be POURED OUT in buckets and waterfalls, and bubble up in streams. We should trade in our little plastic cups for wide-mouthed vats carried up on our heads, like those of Indian women returning to the river to draw water. And the drawing must be daily, as a people who live in a dry and weary land, where precipitation is scarce, are compelled to do. If we recognize our need for this HOLY SPIRIT intoxication, may we hear JESUS say to us, as HE invited the woman at the well, "...whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.." (John 4:13b)

Throughout my busy day I like to turn my palms up and open, and ask, "LORD fill me," and WAIT. My husband wrote a song, with part of the chorus, "...we will drink, if YOU will serve.." Good news!.., JESUS is WILLING to serve us a drink, every time we drain our vat. So, lets discard our collapsible cups, Church, stand beneath the waterfall, and drink deep.

Never Say "Never"

"Well..., by process of elimination,"Beth Ann's List of Gifts and Life Purposes" narrowed significantly by one, this week: I was NOT cut out for musical theater. I'm drawn to it, yes, and my three theatrical daughters perform beautifully and continue to grow in this area. But mom will remain in the wings and in the audience, cheering them on and painting their scenes and sets. " - me, middle of august

I wanted to post this to my blog, funny and ironic as it reads back to me now. I recorded these cynical sentiments immediately following my mortifying audition with Riverwalk Theatre.

Since this entry - I have enjoyed a memorable season of ANNIE, performing in the chorus and loving every terrifying minute. I've also participated in the shooting of a short movie - a docu-drama, in which I was pushed beyond my limits of comfort and self-consciousness. Never-the-less, this "non-musical theater" gal will appear, ACTING in a film.

You've heard the old excuse "my dog ate my homework." Well, ANNIE and movie-stardom ate my August and September; here it is the end of October, and I'm, hopefully, back to blogging about the multitude of ways GOD communicates with those HE loves.

Thanks for reading! - love, beth ann