I recall learning about the collapse of the illustrious Roman Empire around 476 AD, as the history books teach, the empire's expansive real estate had outgrown it's military strength and capacity to protect its borders.  Barbarian enemies launched attacks on every front, from all directions at the same time. Disfunctional incompetent leadership and civil wars within  added to the growing chaos, which simply could not sustain Romes golden age of glory.  

Our family feels like it's sloshing through a season of threatening collapse that reminds me of the ancient maps of rome's boarders imploding 

in Daniel Chapter 2, Nebuchanezzar's dream of a statue paints a prophetic picture of empires rising and falling, one golden age after another, but each glorious kingdom coming to an end, as the ROCk cut not by human hands strikes the iron and clay feet of the statue - the part that reprisents Rome - strikes it like a wrecking ball swinging from a great crane demolishing a decaying building 

building a library of GOD speak

Compiling a Library of Precious Thoughts

the first in a series

John's last proclamation, in his biblical gospel account, informs us,

"Jesus did many other things as well.  If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written."

I love and hate this at the same time.

Imagine if there were just ONE library somewhere on the earth, a huge, sprawling place - which contained - maybe not exhaustive - but volumes upon volumes, by the thousands, of biographical writings about JESUS' childhood, young adulthood, spiritual instructions, "extra-biblical"  teachings, left-out miracles (John 20:30) and conversations with HIS Father.  Wouldn't we flock to it, read our hearts out?  And what if there were one room, even a small cubicle, filled with many manuscripts of musings about YOU - GOD's thought about your life, HIS plans for you, affirmations, game-plans, explanations and answers to your toughest questions and other personal "love letters" to your heart?   How much time might we spend at such a library?

One of my favorite Psalms, 139, speaks my sentiments in verse 17:

"How precious to me are your thoughts, O GOD!  and then a mind-boggling addition,
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand..."

When was last time you scooped up a handful of sand and let the grains sift through your fingers?   That's a plethora of perceptions!!!

One of the first times I remember hearing The LORD's "voice." began with a Sunday morning in my early years of marriage.  I hadn't yet any children, (so it truly feels like a million years ago) and my then associate pastor husband took the car to Church early, letting me sleep in a bit and ride my bike.  So I woke alone, with a deep hunger in my heart, a longing to be with Jesus. I longed to hear Him whisper He loved ME, to feel the reassurance that this screw-up I identified with myself was lovable.  I stared out at the grey of predawn and composed a song .   This wasn't completely unusual, as out of the depth of my soul, I sometimes sing to Jesus - making up melody and lyrics to my heartfelt prayers.  I sang "....if only I could hear You say, "I love you; well done.""  Though I remember the song was much longer, this was the essence of my cry that morning.

Later that morning, as I worshiped at a Lakeshore Vineyard Church, in Holland Michigan, I raised my voice with the rest of the congregation, and lauded my LORD with hands uplifted.  After a 25 minute set of praise songs, Pastor Paul invited us to turn and "greet those around us."  Turning to a group kitty-corner and behind me, I met the elderly mother of one of our members, who was visiting that morning.  I don't remember the member, nor the name of her mother, but what she spoke to me will be indelibly fixed in my mind as long as I live on this earth.  This precious babushka-like woman relayed that while watching me worship, GOD spoke to her.  He intimated, about me, "I am so please with her."  She took the liberty, (I didn't mind, I was weeping,) to quote to me, as if Yahweh Himself were speaking to me, ""I am so pleased with you, my daughter.""  

In the book of 1 Timothy, the Apostle Paul refers to the "prophecies once made about (Timothy),"  and exhorts him that "by recalling them, (Timothy) may fight the battle well, holding onto the faith..."  This principle is one I subscribe to, and encourage others to do as well.  I remember what The LORD has said about me, and it does help me to live my life, which often feels very much like warfare with one skirmish overlapping another, with more confidence, zeal, love land humility.

Thanks for reading an account dear to my heart.  I hope you enjoyed it.

A Collection of  Treasures

....a hopefully not too-long-winded introduction

It's comforting to carry a history of a "love language" with GOD, The Lord of Hosts, to feel truly known.  To have adored Him, walked with Him, sat at His feet for an accumulating number of years.....to have listened to His voice, known His laughter, shared His tears, read His Word, received His visions and soaked in His illustrative prophetic metaphors, are all encouraging experiences I share with my Holy Savior.  We have a history together, much like a sister who I grew up with, and now am playing "Taboo" with, and we are on the same wave-length, calling to mind random connections from past adventures and childhood memories, of which others would have no knowledge.  I can't exactly, or even remotely, read His mind (unless He wants me to ) but Jesus certainly knows me to the very depth of my existence.

My college daughter interviewed me for a Psychology paper she was writing on the experience of faith.  One of her questions asked me to give the reasons I believe God's existence is verifiable.  After expounding somewhat clumsily on the trustworthiness and historicity of my favorite non-fiction novel, The Bible, and pointing out the vast expanse and beauty of our meticulously ordered universe, I quoted an age-old adage.  "A man with an experience is never at the mercy of a man with an argument."  

I've experienced God's reciprocal friendship 1st hand.  I've seen Him in the stunning beauty of His creation, in the miracle of His healing, in the instantaneous effective change He's brought to my mindset or perspective, in the demonstration of His love in answering prayers, and in His patience in training me to hear HIS voice.  I told my daughter that I could more easily be convinced my big toe was actually made of rubber than I could be persuaded into believing God is merely some embellishment of my imagination.  The culmination and sum of a million "coincidences" equals the existence of GOD.

The language with which Yahweh speaks to us is personal, built upon our communication throughout the years, as with any friend - l guess.  For me, my brokeness, and the way I've responded to it, and process through it, are the very origins and motivators for these "communications."  When we are in our darkest trenches and most sorrowful valleys, we cry out - and HE answers.  Not that I live in the "valley of the shadow of death.." or anything, but I tend to be one who intensely feels the deficits of dwelling in the "lower regions" (ie: earth, as apposed to my eternal home.)  I am the broken pot calling out to the Potter, "...please!,... throw me again, this leaky thing's not holding water, and the sharp edges are cutting me left and right."  

Think of hurting times when you've called to Yahweh.  What did you cry out?  How did GOD respond?  What did HE say?  What did HE do?  When you recall it, write it down, draw a picture of it, build a rock sculpture commemorating it, or write a little poem, or song expounding on it.  This is what Jacob/Israel, Miriam and David - from the Bible, would do.  Remember and treasure the words GOD intimates to you.  They're a big deal!  Chances are He'll be repeating them, and building on them. 

If you cried out, and He didn't respond in any way, ask yourself these questions:  Was I asking Him a specific question, or just whining?  Did I expect Him to answer?  Did I wait for a response, give it time? Did I continue to look, listen, even smell - attentively? Yahweh loves using all the wonderfully acute senses He's given us, and His all-encompassing, and even comical, creativity to communicate with us.  If you can commiserate with me in bemoaning the deficits of living in the the "low-lands," then cry out again, in voice, or writing - an WAIT on THE LORD for a response.

Deserving a paragraph all of it's own is this bit of vital advice:  READ GOD's WORD  -  Yep, .. THE BIBLE ...  READ IT!  Though often Yahweh will direct you to specific sections of His illustrious book, or highlight particularly pertinent passages, reading The Bible diligently and daily, is a discipline that gives life and dispels lies.  God's written WORD is one of the most mysterious enigmas in existence.  Though seemingly only a book of printed ink on paper, when read aloud, the WORD of GOD is actually ALIVE, not as in "organic," but "alive" as in powerful to effect change.  When spoken out into the atmosphere, the WORD of GOD can affect change in the very cells of our body and authorize transformation to the furthest corners of the earth.  Activating and guiding our faith-seeking, God attending life, The Bible stands as our essential starting point to developing a "love language" history with The LORD.

I've compiled a long list of treasured "words" Jesus has spoken to me, and each one has a story.  My hope and plan is to take these, one at a time, and relay the brief personal truths Yahweh revealed to me, as I cried out.  My prayer is that these narratives, while helping me to remember and record my Savior's messages to me - even our shared "love language," will encourage and inspire you to call out to Jesus often, become more attentively aware of His answers, and begin a treasured communication collection of your own.   

beauty shines through brokeness

I break things.  If it isn't a cup my kids have created for me at "Playing Picasso," or a precious teapot presented to me by my Russian friends, it's a matching plate from my dwindling set of dishes - diminishing because I've broken so many.  I can almost count on anything, from my kitchen, that  I cherish, to eventually end up in my  broken pottery bin.  Here, in a plastic rubber-maid container shards of china, pottery and ceramic await some creative inspiration while they remind me of my clumsiness.

After praying for weeks about a talk I was asked to give on true beauty, God spoke to me late one night.  I'd been confessing to a friend that I just wasn't feeling very beautiful and hadn't for some time.  My Momma always told me "pretty is as pretty does..,"  But my inside pretty was looking, to me, just as bland as my outside ugly - even worse.   GOD whispered, on my way home that night, "beauty comes from brokenness."

Brokenness - now that was something I could address... something I knew about.  A memory immediately came to mind.  Years ago a friend described a vision the LORD gave her about the brokeness, from abuse and disappointment, in her life; HE showed her a marred  vase, pocked with holes and deep, angled cracks. It didn't look like much.  She hated the ugly thing. Then GOD placed a light inside of it, and out through the abrasions shown and danced patterns of beauty and splendor.  The LORD spoke to my friend  that SHE was the pot, and told her its the brokenness of the vessel that makes the light so beautiful as it shines through.

With the memory, came inspiration.  I envisioned a self portrait in 3D, a mosaic of sorts, pieced together from the remains of  all my chipped and shattered plates, cups  and teapots.  I felt that an art project, in preparation for my talk, would serve me therapeutically giving me a chance to process the brokeness which has characterized the last several years of my life.  Down to the basement, to retrieve my broken shard bin, I descended.   My metaphor began.

As I looked at the piles of pieces which lay before me, my heart ached.  I reminisced about each lovely possession, its  usefulness and beauty which had, at one time, graced my kitchen, now ruined. I felt like those pieces, useless and broken - but NOT discarded!  Why did I save this stuff?!!?  Because.... I guessed, it was still precious to me.  I wondered if GOD feels this way about us when HE looks at the broken pieces of our lives.  Then I decided to arrange the shards by color and design; I began to get excited, seeing the potential for some interesting masterpiece.  I no longer was looking at the pieces with the memory of their earlier form, but with eyes for their future possibilities.  A new picture began to take shape in my mind as I stepped out of the role of "created-but-busted" and into the role of "creator."

A man, new to our at church, with whom I was only slightly acquainted, approached me after worship one morning and hesitantly told me he felt the LORD had given him a word and picture for me.  The word was The Phoenix and the picture was of the mythological bird; I was to look it up on the web and find out more about it's story.  What this young man couldn't have known was that I was supposed to be traveling with my husband, to a pastors' conference in Phoenix, Arizona, in a only a few short weeks!  But stress and brokenness lay so heavily upon me that I was considering giving  my ticket away to a pastor friend of Kevin's, and not even going.  Depression had sapped my desire for the trip. I had been asking the LORD if HE wanted me there or not.  This is what the Wikipedia enlightened me about the Phoenix:  When this colorful bird, of gold, purple, red and green plumage, reaches the end of its life, it builds a nest and sets the nest and itself on fire.  Both burn together and are reduced to ashes.  Then up from the decimation rises the new young Phoenix, reborn out of the ashes.  I share this story because it is a picture of beauty from brokenness.

GOD was speaking to me then, about a year ago, what he was reminding me as I began affixing fragments together, assembling a mosaic from the rubble.  HE is in the business of bringing new life out of ashes and beauty from brokenness.  HE remembers that we're dust (like ashes in the first place) and isn''t shocked at how we manage to chip, crack and shatter what is precious to HIM - our lives.  I love the kind words of GOD's understanding in Psalm 103:13,14
The LORD has compassion on those who fear (honor)  HIM;
for HE knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust...

We are fragile, but HE who created us in the first place gets more excited about the mosaic than the original.  It is more colorful, it ends up stronger, but most of all, it has cracks, through which HIS light dances and shines with brilliant patterns of beauty.  2Corinthians speaks of this LIGHT GOD fills us with, as we come to trust in HIM:
"For GOD who said, "Let  light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in he face of Christ.... But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from GOD, and not from us."

He goes on to talk about the conditions in which we find ourselves - no wonder we break:

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed, perplexed, but not in despair, persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed (we might add:  shattered but not discarded.) - and the clincher: "We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body......LIFE ...at work in YOU!"

What does this mean:  "We carry around Jesus Death..."  I think this is the fragility of our emotions, our flesh, our life in these weak bodies - our jars of clay.  Jesus is our example of producing beauty through brokenness.  HE is GOD, who stepped down to earth, to dust and ashes, to show us how to carry HIS light in Jars Of Clay - and broken pottery.

As a baby..... HE was helpless,   HE grew to be a man.....rejected by his own people;  then HIS body  was broken - even shattered on a cross.  The Bible speaks of JESUS in the book of Isaiah chapter 53:

HE had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his physical appearance that we should desire him.  HE was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, familiar with suffering, like one from whom men hide their faces....But speaking of the cross, and HIS death, Isaiah writes:  He was pierced for our transgressions (our wickedness, mistakes, for everywhere we come of short of perfection)  HE was crushed for our iniquities;  the punishment that brought us peace, was upon HIM and by HIS wounds, we are healed."

When constructing my purple beauty, some of the broken pieces didn't fit - I had to take my hammer and re-break them, chiseling off rough edges.  It was difficult with the ceramic; the shards were strong and sharp.  I think WE are like this before GOD, already wrecked, but unwilling to be shaped, for fear of being further hurt or marred.

Our tendency, in these "Jars of Clay" is to go about life UNBROKEN - or pretending to be unbroken.  We can  become as solid as the hardest substance found - unbending, self centered, self ambitious and self protecting...our world tells us hold it together and look good on the outside.  Our honest brokenness repels us.  We don't want to look at it.  But our brokenness is beautiful to GOD, who died for us; it draws HIM to hearts, evokes HIS compassion and LOVE.  He longs to reshape the pieces into a well crafted masterpiece through which HIS beautiful light can dance and sparkle.

noticing small miracles...

"Life is a series of small unnoticed miracles which happen with great frequency"  Kevin quoted this in yesterday's sermon.  Yup, I think that just about sums up a study on the definition of modern day miracles.  Why don't most people see or know this.  Because we have a noticing and acknowledging problem.

Following our service yesterday, as we began to look back over the last couple hours of Church, and put the pieces together, we saw that GOD, once again demonstrated HIS gracious, and YES - miraculous -  ORCHESTRATION  that morning.

Kevin spoke on "The Gift of Miracles," the next in line  from the 1 Co. 12 list, which he's been systematically working through since January.  He cited over a dozen different verses from the Gospels, Acts and the Epistles, where people (Jesus, the apostles and ordinary  people without honorary titles) performed "miracles," which served to authenticate their gospel message.   MOST of the "miracles" remain a mystery, as to what they consisted of specifically.  But whatever, these "preachers" were doing, caused whole villages and crowds of people to BELIEVE in the message regarding JESUS as the Christ, and follow the performer of these "signs" and "wonders" around, with a spirit of awe.

Back to our morning service..... day before, actually.  Saturday, Pastor Kevin called Shane, who was to teach the morning's "Hearing God" - 1st-5th grade class, to make sure he knew that "Miracles" was the gift of the day.  And after their short conversation, both men got to work on their lessons.   Without any mention of Heidi Baker's ministry in Zimbabwe, or raising the dead, etc.., both Shane and Kevin were led, that evening, to the same youtube video of a testimony from 2008 - about a young man named Francis who was revived and completely and instantly healed an hour after being beaten to death by four attackers in South Africa.  Both Kevin and Shane showed this clip as a part of their teaching Sunday morning, Shane, cutting also to the end of the interview with Heidi Baker.  Shane considered this end  section of the story particularly significant for the children to hear, because Heidi, who runs an orphanage with her husband, speaks about the little children she lives with as her PRAYER MINISTRY TEAM.  She has THEM pray for miracles because they have not yet been tainted by teaching that GOD can't or won't move in miraculous ways.  Their faith is pure and strong; they see many miracles - even the dead raised!!

So, simutaneously, on Sunday morning, the children downstairs and the adults upstairs heard a  teaching on miracles, watched the same video - the children hearing also the end bit  about kids praying. Furthermore, it is our custom to bring the children upstairs to the ministry center at 11:45, so they can experience and participate in ministry time.   Yesterday, right before the children joined us, Pastor Kevin followed his sermon with an invitation to wait quietly for Holy Spirit's leading.  After this time Matt spoke up from the back of the room.  "I believe GOD wants us to invite all the children up front to pray for miracles, for they have the faith for this."  Matt, also wasn't privy to the children just hearing this part of the video, and in they marched, right on cue.  Kevin called them up front, about 10 of them that day, (mostly 8-10 year- olds,) and matched them with those who came forward asking for miracles.

Reports are still out on many "requests" of the morning - but as of Sunday night:  one of our leaders shared about his instant relief from leg pain and tightness, for which he's been receiving physical therapy, as two youths laid praying hands on him.  AND another man from our congregation walked away relived of back pain after a 10 year old boy prayed for him. :)

I'll add any reports in the comment section, as I receive them and I am hoping for healings and other miracles and lasting fruit.  But I also will take note of  the wide response and expectation to ministry time, which shows a growing FAITH among our body.  This, I will also count as great gain in the kingdom, as we all need to keep our antennae up and become "noticers" and "acknowledgers" of  the moves of GOD on our behalf, AND the way HE speaks frequently to us.

Jesus weeps

Sophie, her little cookie baking guest, (I'll call her Lucy,) and I, all looked up in surprise as lightning flashed through the kitchen yesterday afternoon. We had about 15 seconds to wonder "what was that," when the confirming crash of thunder pealed in the distance. It was raining cats and dogs.

Lucy was playing at our house while her parents visited the OB/GYN with hopeful expectations of hearing a new tiny heartbeat, and beginning the amazing family journey of bringing forth new life. Those hopes were dashed. As the first batch of chocolate chip cookies were placed in the oven, Lucy's parents returned, and with a shake of her head, Mom relayed the painful news.

Rain poured down.

People often talk about the weather when they don't know what to say, and after, "I'm so sorry," this was me,.... silent. But it did feel like the dreary darkened day spoke significance, so I ventured, aloud, a comparison of the mood with the weather. Right away Lucy's dad agreed, "Whenever something terrible happens in our lives, it always rains." "People don't believe us," he added, "but it's true. So when we walked out the the office to this downpour, we weren't surprised."

This reminded me of an experience I had a while back; I shared with my friends.

Sitting in my car, in a coffee shop parking lot, in the dark of predawn, waiting for the rain to die down, I cried to the GOD who loves me. Struggling with depression, I spoke out my sorrow, through tears. "I haven't heard YOUR voice in so long, and YOU know how important that is to me." I implored, "How can I keep going on if we don't communicate. I feel so alone."

At that moment, above the white noise of pounding rain, though soft and quiet and as gentle as it was clear, I heard GOD speak. "I'm here with you now, we are sitting here in your car, having a good cry." I watched the streams of water flow down my windshield like HIS tears washing all around me. HE knows, I thought. HE knows me to the depths. GOD weeps for me, for us.

"That's powerful," replied my grieving friends. I hoped it helped.

As Jesus hung on the cross, it didn't seem trivial for the gospel writers to describe how the sky turned black; surely the weather on that day reflected GOD's mood. And one of my favorite depictions of GOD, "angry" at HIS enemies (and, consequently, OUR enemies) comes from Psalm 18:

The earth trembled and quaked,

and the foundation tofhe mountains shook;

they trembled because HE was angry.

smoke rose from HIS nostrils;

consuming fire came from his mouth,

burning coals blazed out of it.

HE parted the heavens and came down;

dark clouds were under his feet.

HE mounted the cherubim and flew;

HE soared on the wings of the wind.

HE made darkness his covering, his canopy around him-

the dark rain clouds of the sky.

Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,

the LORD thundered from heaven;

with hailstones and bolts of lightning.

The voice of the MOST HIGH resounded.

HE shot HIS arrows and scattered the enemies,

great bolts of lightning, and routed them.....

He reached down from on high and took hold of me;

HE drew me out of deep waters.

HE rescued me from my powerful enemy,

from my foes, who were too strong for me.

They confronted me in the day of my disaster,

but the LORD was my support.

HE brought me out into a spacious place;

HE rescued me because HE delighted in me..."

I believe in, and LOVE with all my heart, a GOD who doesn't always get HIS way on this earth, nor in what HE created - but IS IN CONTROL. A GOD who steps down and routs the enemies of our soul, while showing HIS terribly awesome power in the heavens, empathizing with the storm HE SEES in our hearts.

I believe HE shows us HIS compassion in this way. "Subjective and coincidental" one may say, about claiming to hear the LORD speak through thunder clouds and rain. When it comes to hearing GOD's voice, believing is seeing. Sometimes a person has to step through C.S. Lewis' spiritual "wardrobe" to experience "Narnia," where the creatures, the trees and even the wind do Aslan's bidding. Next time you wake in the night to driving rain and claps of thunder, take a moment to consider that JESUS weeps.

Metaphor from a "Monster Bike"

Mid-March in the high 70s inspired the first bike ride of the season; Kevin and Kyria set out on a 10 mile, with Mom, Annika and Sophie pedaling along for moral support. I usually try to pull up the rear, keeping a gage on how all are doing, but for 3 miles, Annika couldn't seem to stay ahead of me and I just couldn't idle slow enough. At the speed of the runners, the pace wasn't challenging, so I wondered at the pained look on poor Anni's face. Surely this kid was in better shape than her mom, yet she just couldn't keep up. At the City Market, our first water stop, I convinced her sister, Sophie, to switch bikes with her, suspicious that her mount was the problem. Annika needed a break.

1/2 a mile later, with Annika happily zipping along, but Sophie lagging sorely behind, a contorted frown swept across her face, I offered to ride the "monster." I imagined some difficulty, since the bike is a bit on the small side for my frame, but I was in for an unexpected amount of excruciating exercise! The next mile felt like pumping my pedals through murky mud up to my knees.

I tried different gears; even on the down-hills, the monster bike wouldn't even coast; it just slowed to a stop. As I sweated and strained, resolving to just hang out with the rhinos at the Zoo till Kev could pick me up with the car, I noticed the front wheel. I'd been working so hard, standing up most of the way, I hadn't noticed the rubber breaks pinching tight against the front tire, rendering regular resistance and a real pain in my posterior.

At the Zoo, Dad made a quick adjustment to the bothersome breaks, releasing the friction. A game of musical bikes, then, returned us all to our appropriate mounts. We were off. Everyone happily rolling along. Oh the difference properly working equipment makes.

During my one mile workout against the breaks, and for the remainder of the pleasant ride after Kevin released them, I reflected on how this experience parallels and illustrates the effects of spiritual oppression in day to day life. What should be fun and easy, the "coasting" aspects of life happenings, like family movie nights or vacation get aways, are endured with a plastic smiles, a manufactured laughs but an invisible ache inside.

The flat stretches of road, which should require little effort and offer pleasant views along the way, ie: going through the day to day necessities of keeping house, preparing meals, sending birthday cards, becomes, instead, a grueling exercise. Focus and concentration are needed to simply put one foot in front of the other, trying to not look any farther ahead than the task immediately at hand, for fear of breaking down. You pray and hope yourself to the end of the day, when you can tell yourself "I've survived! - 16 hours closer to heaven." - THIS depicts the flatlands.

And the most discouraging part of the analogy are the uphill inclines! When one of your children pitches a fit, when a relational challenge with a friend stares you in the face, when a scheduling mistake leaves you scrambling to present an apology as well as a solution, then, you are suddenly exhausted and overwhelmed. Immobile with indecision and a feeling of defeat, even before you begin, the gentle incline or bump in the road looms before you as if it were a 14,000 footer breathing down your neck, declaring "you'll never make it; don't even try."

The monster bike metaphor, fortunately, DOES end with HOPE! Spiritual oppression, like dragging breaks, can be alleviated through prayers of deliverance and inner healing. I've experienced this first hand on many occasions. I've, in an instant, felt suffocating heaviness lift from my shoulders and heart. I've seen a brightening in my vision I can only liken to what I might experience if I had been wearing dark green eyeglasses, tinted with pessimism, for months, and then, on a beautiful spring morning someone took them off. Situations and people all looked new and different, less threatening. Best of all, the fruit of these freeing prayers have remained - tangible, teachable and life-changing.

You may, like me, ask WHY am I - a JESUS-loving, trying-to-live-a-godly-life kinda gal like myself even susceptible to Spiritual Oppression in the first place?? You may have noticed I mentioned experiencing deliverance and inner healing on MANY occasions. Well.... sigh... I guess the humble answer is: I'm flesh, made of dust.

"The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.,"

Psalm 103:6 assures us, "As a father has compassion on his children,

so the LORD has compassion on those who fear HIM.

for HE knows how we are formed, HE remembers that we are dust...."

A friend, with whom I shared my monster bike metaphor, reminded me that this process of repeatedly releasing the "breaks," of oppression, characterizes the life with JESUS. Oppressive thoughts and attitudes, deceptive defenses which don't really defend, and the residue of hurtful experiences and sinful reactions, from our conception to present, ALL work against us - towards bondage. Our enemy, the devil, also finds plenty of fodder for foiling a victorious life with GOD in all this baggage we drag along our bike path.

I highly recommend a full, out-loud reading of Psalm 103, for anyone who's been stirred by this metaphor and subject. Also, Psalm 129 offers hope.

"They have greatly oppressed me from my youth,

but they have NOT gained victory over me.....

the LORD is righteous; HE has cut me free from the cords of the wicked...."

May the blessing of the LORD be on you, readers and may your wheels roll happily along!

The Eccentricities of HIS voice

On a "spring ahead - lose-an-hour-Sunday morning," I wanted to crock-pot a roast with veggies for after church guests, leave the house in decent order, arrive early enough to package the benevolence bread (6 garbage bags full) and appear in the prayer room for pre-service prayer by 9 a.m. Thankfully, along life's way, I have birthed a small army (four great kids) to help me in all my endeavors. In the prayer room, when Kent asked me if I had any "prayer leadings" or "senses" that morning, I was embarrassed to say, I hadn't yet prayed much at all. But as 7 of us gathered for that hour btw. 9 and 10a.m., GOD came, with the awesome peace and electricity of HIS presence, and spoke in an eccentric language of connections, which we are beginning to understand.

In his teaching on The Gift of Prophecy last week, Nathaniel explained how GOD speaks to each one of us in a language especially personally and understandable. Knowing how we individually operate, what we think about and dwell on, HOLY SPIRIT (I use these three, GOD, JESUS and HS, interchangebly, understanding them as one and the same) - can interject thoughts into our mind right before we read a highway billboard, give someone else a significant picture from our childhood to share with us, just as HE is reminding us about a truth that corresponds to the image, cause a car to hover in front of ours until we notice the "PS37 18" licence plate in front of us, commit to looking it up to find the Biblical verse directly answering the cry of our heart just minutes before. All three of these examples have actually happened to me over the years, strengthening my non-belief in coincidence.

Sunday morning, again, left me smiling with gratitude that we are not left alone in prayer, to praise and petition a silent or distant God who refuses to reciprocate our communication. In reality, HE initiates - GOD put thoughts in our minds and hearts as we began to listen that morning. After waiting in silence, several people asked GOD to give us eyes to see the needs of HIS children and to see what HE was doing in their hearts. During the waiting, I had seen a picture, in my mind, of two eyes on the same face, but looking in opposite directions - out to either side. Then, in my mind's image, hands came and turned the eyes back to front facing, training them straight ahead. This repeated again and again. Then I saw those black patches by the eyes, the kind they put on horses so they don't get spooked by bicycles and such. As I saw this vision during the silent listening time, I felt GOD was wanting me to ask HIM to focus and train our eyes away from ourselves and our circumstances, and look to HIM only - HIS Glory, HIS Presence, HIS Peace.

So, as others began to pray for EYES to see, I rejoiced to join them, and felt that in this theme, GOD was leading. One man, arriving late, spoke up in prayer, rather tentatively. "Lord, I am hearing some things this morning that seem a bit strange, but, out of obedience, I will speak them out - Give Kevin (our pastor) a servant's heart and a shepherd's voice this morning" I confirmed later that this man had no idea that the theme of Kevin's sermon was "the gift of Pastors - the servant shepherd."

After his sermon, Kevin's practice has become, taking a few minutes of silence to listen for Holy Spirit's direction in ministry. During this time, GOD spoke to Matt, who had not been with us in the pre-service prayer. He shared that he believed the the LORD wanted to speak to us about our EYES; He wanted to show us where and to whom He is ministering so we can move with Him. I spoke up then, too, encouraging him in his "hearing;" thematically, this was surely something GOD wanted to speak to his "sheep" that morning.

I know JESUS was at work in many people that morning, speaking personal words of encouragement in our individual "languages," but I'll mention just one more, as it's a first hand account. During the sermon Kevin had shared a personal story about his time as a camp counselor back in college, at which time he thought "This is what I was made for" - shepherding people. That phrase jumped out at me, as Kevin spoke it, and I had the sense that GOD wanted to minister to someone in the room for which that statement caused a "stir" in their spirit. So I had written in down and circled it, so I didn't forget to share it later. After the listening time I did share what I felt GOD was saying for someone, and then, as Kevin and I were waiting at the front for anyone who wanted prayer, a man approached us. He confirmed that all I had spoken was exactly what he was thinking and feeling, when Kevin shared his story and "this is what I was made for.." phrase. GOD continued to encourage this friend, as we prayed for him, giving us pictures and words that spoke to his heart.

It strikes me that THIS is what we were all made for, to be in relationship with the ONE who created us, to help each other understand the eccentricities of HIS voice to see what HE sees and partner with HIM in what He's doing in this world.

GOD's willingness to teach is even greater than our desire to learn.

Once again, as I seek HIS face, GOD chooses to surprise me. Back to blogging about the ways in which He "speaks"...

This morning, during the pre-service prayer time, five of us met with GOD, and asked HIM to continue to teach us how to tune into HIS "voice," so that we can keep learning to effectively minister HIS encouragement and love to each other, and to a hurting world outside the walls of our church.

Later, during the service, as I listened to my husband preach about the gift of apostleship, I was struck with the thought of how intimidatingly high the calling to, and the operating in this gift sounded. I wondered at how many people would find the idea of such a ministry personally applicable and relevant. Then, I an impression came to mind, (I thought it might be from the LORD, rather than a thought of my own) "If you allow me to root out your 'distractions' - I (GOD) will help you hear my calling on your life." I jotted this down on a the back of the bulletin, with a "?" and another little added prayer "Lord, give confirmation."

As the sermon ended, we (the congregation) waited, silently listening for a few minutes, to see what GOD wanted to do next; we've been working on developing this habit in our church - making ROOM for GOD to speak, move on people's hearts, give impressions, words, etc. to those HE would use to encourage and minister to others that morning. Simply and *Biblically defined, words of wisdom, words of knowledge, prophesy, tongues and interpretation of tongues have each come forth from lay members of our congregation over the past month. (*1Corinthians 12:7-11) Today, after our listening time, three different people spoke out various words of wisdom and encouragement they thought to be from GOD. My impression seemed "faint," and I wondered that it may have come from my own thoughts; I didn't share it.

The next step in our service is Rev Kev calling to the front a "prayer team," willing and able men and women who will minister to any who come forward to ask for prayer at the close of the service, usually during the final song (s). As I sang and waited at the front, facing the rest of the congregation, I prayed for them. The music ended and no-one had come.... a first in many weeks. I asked silently, "LORD, was I supposed to give my 'word' ? Did someone not come for ministry because of my silence? Do you want me to say it NOW - it's practically over at this point. " I pleaded with GOD "You know I'm 'dust' (in other words, "I'm only human -give me a break") "YOU, LORD, could be more clear - YOU could send somebody up here to tell me to give my word.." (I did, after all, write that prayer asking for confirmation)

No sooner had I prayed this (above) prayer, than a man from the congregation came down front, stood before me and said, "This is a bit weird, but - do you have a word for me? I kinda feel like you may have a word for me."

Ordinarily, this question would have unnerved me a bit, as I'm not highly gifted in prophetic words. However, in light of everything I just shared, I was able to confidently share that, yes, I believed I did have a piece of encouragement for him specifically. Picking up my scrap of paper I had carried down to the front with me, I read to him what I had written; he confirmed that it hit him as personally applicable, so Kevin and I got the opportunity to pray for him about it. GOD is good!!

I find the LORD to be continually patient, and more desiring than I, when it comes to answering my prayers for learning to tune into HIS "voice" and relate to HIM as a friend.

Militance

"And GOD led his people by a pillar of cloud by day

and by a pillar of fire by night..."

Exodus 13:20

On the fifth Sunday of the month, our church celebrates a "Fire by Night" celebration, praising Jesus through singing, praying for one another and sharing the general goodness of GOD. This refreshing blessing of renewal and healing happens quarterly - and last night, Jan.29, we gathered again, anticipating GOD's presence. He showed up!

Halfway through the service, Kevin, led by the Holy Spirit, encouraged us to consider the word and idea of MILITANCE in our spirituality. A discussion ensued. Following, I've shared some thoughts on the subject; may they be helpful and encouraging.

The first two thirds of the Bible is so filled with accounts of warfare, bloodshed and conquest that it's difficult to reconcile such violence with Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace. I'm thankful to live under the New Covenant, ONE sacrifice - Jesus'. His blood is all that is needed.

Old Tetament military analogy teaches valuable lessons for our present post-New Testament lives. However, it's pertinent to any discussion on militancy, to hear Paul say

"Our battle is not against flesh and blood (anymore,)

but rather, against principalities, powers, rulers, authorities -"

Ephesians 6: 12

Whether or not we recognize it, we struggle against demonic spiritual beings who present themselves in diabolical opposition against men and women. These spiritual enemies desire the downfall and destruction of human beings, much like the foreign nations who opposed God's chosen people of old. When I read about Moses leading Israel out of slavery in Egypt and Josuah taking possession of the "promised land," I envision a metaphor - GOD delivering me from my past life of godlessness and sin, and guiding me into a spacious freedom, a "new land." I see all the wicked idol - worshiping nations, who GOD drove out before HIS people, as an illustration of spiritual housekeeping, releasing me from my collection of enemies of a past life - SPIRITUAL enemies - pride, bitterness, hatred and the like, are exiled to the far reaches of the galaxy, so I can live in peace.

Don't mistake my understanding of Genesis to Malachi as simply metaphorical. Unlike my college Old Testament professor, with whom I passionately argued, I believe all the events of the Old Testament, even the miraculous and inexplicable stories, actually happened. So, I can stand on their historicity as well as learn from their principles. Many strategies, insights and courageous inspirations can be gleaned from the warfare theodicy of the Old Testament.

Understanding God's heart of Love extending to all nations, with our only mutual enemy being spiritual, invisible, but personal and often tangible, is pertinent to learning from warfare theodicy. To grow in, and live out, victoriously, spiritual warfare, we need to know that "Our struggle is not against flesh and blood." Though humans, under the influences of wicked spiritual beings, can orchestrate whole systems of malevolent intent. When this happens, the enemy seems larger, more human in origin. But he is neither.

What CAN we learn from Old Testament Militancy mentality??

1.) First of all, worship IS warfare. In 2 Chronicles, chapter 20, we see King Jehoshaphat appointing "men to sing to the LORD and to praise HIM for the splendor of His holiness," as they went out at the head of the army, the LORD set ambushes against the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir, who were invading Judah, and they were defeated. GOD's children didn't even have to fight with sword, spear or bow. In Isaiah 30, we find the LORD's fury coming against prideful Assyria,

" The voice of the LORD will shatter ...,

with HIS scepter HE will strike them down.

Every stroke the LORD lays on them

with HIS punishing rod

will be to the music of tambourines and harps,

as HE fights them in battle with the blows of HIS arm."

The Psalms are full of worship as warfare examples. For instance, Ps. 149, which exhorts GOD's people to praise GOD with dancing, tambourine, harp and song, exclaims

"...may the high praises of GOD be in their mouths

and a double-edged sword in their hands

(possibly synonymous weapons),

to inflict vengeance ....and punishment....,

to bind their enemies with fetters, and with shackles of iron,

to carry out the sentence written against them. This," the psalmist reminds US,

"is the glory of ALL THE SAINTS."

I love this Psalm's reminder that the devil has a sentence WRITTEN AGAINST him already...

"Cursed are you (devil)..I (GOD) will put emnity

between you and the woman and her offspring.

He (mankind) will crush your head.."

Genesis 3:14

"..and the devil, who deceived them was thrown into

the lake of burning sulfur,....where he will be tormented

day and night for ever and ever"

Revelations 20:10

His fate is sealed; his time is short. When your enemy comes at you with shameful accuatsions, throw that in his face - and remember to worship.

Finally, Psalm 8, shows us that no-one is too young to join in the battle against GOD's enemy through worship,

"From the lips of children and infants

YOU have ordained praise

because of your enemies,

to silence the foe and the avenger."

2.) Secondly, "Possessing the Land" is a privilege and a command to be enjoyed and obeyed completely.

Taking our "promised land" can be likened to coming into our full salvation when we decide to love and follow Jesus - complete with mind renewal, inner healing from past hurts, freedom from emotional baggage which burdened us upon entry, physical wellness...and the list goes on and on. Old patterns of thinking and worldly perspectives need to be broken down, like the walls of Jericho so "new construction" may readily spring forth...

One can study the idea of militancy and vigilance from the Egyptian Exodus to the Babylonian captivity (the length of Israel's freedom) - but for the sake of time and space, one passage will suffice to speak some powerful analogy.

Exodus 23: beginning at verse 20 GOD tells HIS people that His Angel will go before them and drive out the many peoples who live in the land HE is giving to them. The Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites, Canaanites, Hivites, and Jebusites (I like to just refer to all these as the "ites") will all "turn their backs and run" as GOD's people worship HIM and follow what HE says. In addition to this housecleaning help, the LORD promises,

"Worship the LORD your GOD

and HIS blessing will be on you food and water.

I (God) will take away sickness from among you

and none will miscarry or be barren in your land.

I will give you a full life span."

Wow!

In verse 29, we are told,

"I will not drive them (the "ites") out in a single year,

because the land would become desolate

and the wild animals too numerous for you.

Little by little I will drive them out before you,

until you have increased enough

to take possession of the land."

How many times, in your walk with Jesus, have you wished that ALL your baggage, (insecurities, fears, doubts, chips on your shoulder, etc.) could just be wiped away at once - like maybe back when you first came to the LORD? And you could just quickly get on with living in freedom and serving and teaching/helping others - all those great purposes HE has for you - unencumbered by sin and it's many forms of residue.

Surly GOD is not slow in keeping HIS promises to us. Here, HE illustrates HIS "One-issue-at-a-time" plan for destruction and reconstruction, or deprogramming and reprogramming in our lives. After 20 years of living in this spiritually contaminated world, it's not uncommon to have collected legions of deceptive patterns of speech and actions, clouded perspective, deep wounds and debilitating scars - all packed quite safely in our heart. Add to this, destructive generational beliefs and sins, carried with us from conception, some unrecognized yet still wielding cutting power in our thinking. The crux of the cleansing problem often lies in the false protection and comfort we tend to feel from these less-than-ideal ideas. It isn't difficult to see why instant removal of all the old junk may not win us everlasting peace and freedom. As we continue to seek GOD and worship HIM, we will find HIM shining HIS light on one issue at a time, little by little removing our enemy enigmas.

One last insight from this Exodus passage can be found in verse 32, where Israel is warned (this warning is repeated numerous times)

"I will establish your borders.... I will hand over to you

the people who live in the land

and you will drive them out before you.

DO NOT make a covenant with them or with their gods.

DO NOT let them live in your land,

or they will cause you to sin against me,

because the worship of their gods will

certainly be a snare to you."

This is pretty tough, but clear. When Jesus shines HIS light on the next "issue" HE wants to deal with in our lives, we are exhorted to allow HIM to drive it out - without compromise. In the book of Joshua, great stories of conquest for Israel are recorded. What can also be seen is GOD's chosen people failing to seek HIM for guidance, making mistakes, making covenants with the "ites" and allowing them to live in their land. We get a glimpse, even vicariously experience, how GOD's mercy mingles with HIS judgement, as Israel continues to be snared, to fail and eventually to fall back into captivity.

Our chances for acquisition of the land and happily dwelling therein are MUCH BETTER than that of our ancient forefathers. Good news!!, because we live after Jesus's sacrifice and resurrection! However, these favorable odds don't diminish the importance of vigilance and militancy in our walk with Jesus.

The Collapsible Pill Cup

In a world that runs crazily 24/7 with noise and activity - even during resting or sleeping hours my head is often full of whirling busy thoughts and plans. I'm ever so thankful for the time spent in our Church's worship service, where the singing and, even the quiet instrumental music, stops so we can be silent before GOD, just to LISTEN for HIS still small voice. I find this practice, in my own private life with JESUS, invaluable - I couldn't survive, steadily, without it.

Recently I've been reminded of this, after spending a week of active vacation with my family, followed by a week of sickness - trying to get better on the run, for I really didn't have time for infirmity. What I also failed to make time for during my two week buzz, was quiet solitude with JESUS. The deficit I felt near the end of this spinning but empty stint, gave way to depressive and anxious thoughts. I'll end this little reminder by just saying that prayer and worship with a friend, and returning to a scheduled time of seeking the LORD in silence turned me around again to steadfast thinking and living.

Back to SILENT LISTENING time in Church...

Yesterday, God put in my mind an image of one of those plastic collapsible pill cups that ladies keep in their purse, sometimes with their days of the week pill cases, so as to take meds conveniently in the middle of the day. Just screw the cap off, twist the cup to its 3 inch height, fill it at the nearest drinking fountain - and your good. When I saw this simple image, I knew the cup represented our "reception" of God's SPIRIT in us, but didn't feel a strongly compelled to share it with the congregation, when the ministry time turned a different direction, I sat on it, then forgot about it. But as I've often found, when GOD wants to teach something, HE"ll bring thoughts back again - with flesh on. This morning as I worshiped, meditated on scripture and listened for HIS VOICE, the plastic cup image returned; this time it seemed to be filled with interpretation and I knew it was for the whole body.

In our spirits, too, there is a receptive "vessel," if you will, into which we may receive living water of GOD's HOLY SPIRIT. This living water, flowing from our bellies and welling up....," (John 7:38) is always available , every moment of a believer's life. BUT, our 'vessels' leak. "We leak," John Wimber, leader of the Vineyard movement for many years, was often quoted as saying. Because of this, we are commanded, instead of being "drunk on wine," "...to be filled.." - continually filled is the connotation of this exhortation - "...with the HOLY SPIRIT." (Eph. 5) Apparently, this condition of being "filled" is a tangible intoxication which effects our thoughts words and actions - like an alcoholic stupor would effect us in a noticeable way.

Many believers, I felt GOD speaking to me, carry their collapsible cups, packed neatly away, only to take them out at church or at shaky times - when a spiritual 'pill' is needed. We sip politely of the SPIRIT, while the HOLY SPIRIT is meant to be POURED OUT in buckets and waterfalls, and bubble up in streams. We should trade in our little plastic cups for wide-mouthed vats carried up on our heads, like those of Indian women returning to the river to draw water. And the drawing must be daily, as a people who live in a dry and weary land, where precipitation is scarce, are compelled to do. If we recognize our need for this HOLY SPIRIT intoxication, may we hear JESUS say to us, as HE invited the woman at the well, "...whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.." (John 4:13b)

Throughout my busy day I like to turn my palms up and open, and ask, "LORD fill me," and WAIT. My husband wrote a song, with part of the chorus, "...we will drink, if YOU will serve.." Good news!.., JESUS is WILLING to serve us a drink, every time we drain our vat. So, lets discard our collapsible cups, Church, stand beneath the waterfall, and drink deep.

Never Say "Never"

"Well..., by process of elimination,"Beth Ann's List of Gifts and Life Purposes" narrowed significantly by one, this week: I was NOT cut out for musical theater. I'm drawn to it, yes, and my three theatrical daughters perform beautifully and continue to grow in this area. But mom will remain in the wings and in the audience, cheering them on and painting their scenes and sets. " - me, middle of august

I wanted to post this to my blog, funny and ironic as it reads back to me now. I recorded these cynical sentiments immediately following my mortifying audition with Riverwalk Theatre.

Since this entry - I have enjoyed a memorable season of ANNIE, performing in the chorus and loving every terrifying minute. I've also participated in the shooting of a short movie - a docu-drama, in which I was pushed beyond my limits of comfort and self-consciousness. Never-the-less, this "non-musical theater" gal will appear, ACTING in a film.

You've heard the old excuse "my dog ate my homework." Well, ANNIE and movie-stardom ate my August and September; here it is the end of October, and I'm, hopefully, back to blogging about the multitude of ways GOD communicates with those HE loves.

Thanks for reading! - love, beth ann

learning to deam - dreaming to learn

When teaching a class on HEARING GOD's VOICE, as I've been doing for 20 weeks now, one becomes ultra attentive to surroundings, thoughts, sensations, atmospheric pressure - O.K. I'm exaggerating a bit. But tuning into details is a good habit to adopt when trying to communicate with a being who doesn't limit HIMSELF to our five natural senses. Dreams are sometimes a good place to begin, because when asleep, minds seem generally less inundated with the business of the day, less analytical, and perhaps more available for spiritual input.

About 6 weeks ago, I awoke with an unsettled feeling, and a vivid picture of myself laying in front of a large machine of sorts, helpless and exposed to radiation. Later that morning I found that, due to the disastrous hurricane in Japan, nuclear reactors had left thousands of people unable to escape dangerous levels of chemical contamination in their own backyards. As I interceded for the Japanese people, with a friend, GOD filled me with HIS compassion. I considered the dream to be FROM HIM, and received the passionate empathy as a motivation to pray often for GOD's children across the globe.

However, all in the same week, a mole, which has decorated my right cheek from childhood, began to act up with pain and unusual growth. Not without a degree of foreboding, I saw a dermatologist, who "didn't like the look of it," and proceeded with removal. Of course, without biopsy or pathology reports, the doctor could not tell me what was going on; the waiting in these kind of situations seems interminable. I began to wonder if my DREAM about radiation exposure was a more personal "preparation." ??

I tried my best to wait and trust GOD for peace of mind, but often my flesh, with all it's anxious "what ifs?" got the best of me. One sleepless night I tossed and turned with worry. I asked myself, and GOD, questions like "what if I have cancer and don't get to see my children's children? or even their weddings? What if cancer metastasizes in my face, (like a good friend - who's funeral I attended last year) - and I have to die a painful ugly death in front of by dear family? I prayed for peace and for my kids and for many other people throughout the night, growing frustrated that sleep eluded me - as did GOD's peace. Near dawn I asked GOD to give me a vision to help me. This is the second time I had specifically asked for a vision, and I'm not sure WHY I did. But when I closed my eyes, sure enough - a vivid picture played before my mind's eye.

I saw a line of winged "soldiers" up on a cliff; they dove down in formation, like the flying monkeys from the wizard of Oz - intent on their mission. As the ANGELS (as they seemed to me) swooped down, behind that line was another 100 or so, and another behind them. Line after line of warriors flying to their battle. My first thought was "cancer" as I asked the LORD who or what are they attacking?? HIS answer came immediately to my thoughts, "They are coming after FEAR."

That was it - but the encounter left me with a profound sense of peace.. and I finally slept. Later that morning, while cleaning a part of my closet, I came upon the program from my friend's funeral - almost as if it were a test to my emotional and spiritual state. Song lyrics adorned the front: "Surely it is GOD who saves me, I will trust in him and not be afraid, for the LORD is my stronghold and my sure defense, and HE shall be my savior." I WASN'T afraid, not then and not for a moment again for the next 4 weeks, at which time I received wonderful news that mine was a benign mole with a ruptured cyst underneath it.

Throughout my weeks of waiting I received many prayers for healing and I felt some sensations, which leave me to believe, surely GOD was at work doing something in my cheek. Until my Face to Face w/ JESUS time, I won't know for sure all that happened, nor the exact purpose of my dream. However, this I know, without doubt's shadow, GOD is pleased when I seek recipricol friendship and communication with HIM. HE calls me to remain attentive, obedient and humble in my interactions with HIM, and in sharing my experiences with you all. If all of life isn't a fun experiment in learning to LOVE and relate to GOD and His other kids, maybe it's all just a dream.

Thanks for reading!

Swimming by the SPIRIT- ?

We kept a junk room in the basement; This is an understatement. A small path,- through knee- high piles of art supplies, books, boxes of elementary, high school and college keepsakes, letters photos, baseball cards, children's artwork, and household cast off furniture,- allowed one brave bushwhacker to cautiously navigate her way to the washer and dryer in the room behind. This 10 x 15 foot warehouse had been collecting precious paraphernalia for the last 10 years, ever since we moved into the house. Sadly, it reminded me of my childhood bedroom, only with more mountainous piles and no bed. When my 13 year old suggested spending last Thursday night on the "family project" of cleaning out and organizing the junk room - an overwhelming flood of exhaustion descended upon me at the mere thought. "Tonight, Daddy and Elliott are watching MSU basketball finals, and that room needs more than an evening; it needs the WHOLE family giving a concerted effort for a couple of Saturdays," I discouraged. Her face set like flint, Kyria persistently pressed on, "we could at least get started; I'll do it myself." More back and forth bantering filled the kitchen, as I tried to dissuade her from taking on an insurmountable task, which would inevitably drag me into more work. Finally, I gave permission for Kyria to begin, while I proceeded to make dinner. She wasn't amid the mess 10 minutes, when she hollered up, "Dad, quick - there's a funny sound down here." By the time Kevin bushwhacked his way to the closet at the far side of the room, moved boxes and shut off the spraying water supply (this is where the water main enters our house,) a thin flood had filled the closet and was spilling into the room. Towels safely absorbed the mess before the puddle destroyed anything important, and visits to our neighbors' procured pitchers of water needed to finish dinner, while we waited for a Board of Water and Light worker to arrive (thankfully, the spraying pipe flowed from their side of the meter.) While we waited, we marveled that we had been home, not out for the evening, or in even Florida, which would certainly have allowed our entire basement to fill like a giant swimming pool. At the rate of our junk room "shower" pouring into the room, our trash and treasures would have sunk within a half hour, if nobody had caught the leak. It took handy dandy BPW man only 15 minutes to arrive, and another 10 to replace the pipey gadget - a gasket. After all was resolved and while BPW man was leaving, we asked him, "What happened??" "Oh, common problem," he told us nonchalantly, "these things corrode and rust out over the years. This one just gave out and broke." "No way.. you mean, it was just it's "time"... right now, to BUST and spray?" "Yup." Well, it may be a common occurrence for gaskets to corrode and break after x -many years, but what seems uncommonly providential is Kyria's sudden and unquenchable desire to clean the junk room at the exact minute the thing gave out, and began showering our basement. OR - maybe GOD's looking out for us, by prompting us to move in certain directions, or follow certain desires is not as rare as we may think. MAYBE, HE does this kind of thing often, and some times we sense HIS stirrings and sometimes we miss them. Maybe "walking by the SPIRIT," is no more mysterious than talking to GOD often, learning to recognizing the way HE speaks and following HIS gentle whispers - in our day to day lives. Most of the family was pulled into the Thursday night project, as it turned out, and Kyria diligently continued it on Friday. About a dozen bags of garbage were generated and in the end we reclaimed one cleaned out art and crafts room. The more significant gain of the weekend is a lesson in sensitivity to the "nudges" of GOD. In our case, we're very thankful Kyria was "walking by the spirit," instead of "swimming by the spirit."

a bowl full of water...

• In the book of Judges (6:36-40) - in the Bible, you find a story about Gideon, desiring to know GOD's will and sending up a prayer to the LORD. He asks GOD to make a sheep's fleece wet with dew when all the ground around remains dry. Then He asks GOD to make the ground wet with the dampness of the night, while keeping the fleece (left out of doors) dry. Since these requests wouldn't be a natural occurrence, Gideon would know that GOD had intervened in the way he had asked and consequently, be assured of GOD's direction. This kind of confirmational request has been coined "a fleece prayer," by believers down through the ages, after Gideon's experimental interaction. I, myself, can't remember ever really trying it until last week.

Two years ago I pursued a volunteer teen zoo keeper's position at Potter Park Zoo for my son Elliott and was advised to wait until he was older, as he would have a better chance of acceptance into the program. Last year, our plans to be away for much of the summer deterred me from encouraging it. But last Monday, GOD brought the zoo possibility, for this summer, to my mind. After looking up Potter Park's website and reading about the application process, I wondered if this was really the right direction for Elliott. In two years it hadn't come up and easily, he would have forgotten all about it. As the application for 2011 had not yet been posted, I decided not to say anything to anyone (except my husband) and I sent up a "fleece."

"GOD," I prayed, "YOU know I want YOUR direction for Elliott's future. If the Teen-Keeper's program is a door YOU have for him to walk through, let me know by bringing it to Elliott's mind, AND by HIM showing excitement for the opportunity."

For anyone who KNOWS my son, a rather "non-pulsed" young man, who doesn't exactly wear his emotions on his sleeve. you can be sure that this request fell outside the realm of a natural occurrence.

A week passed, as I daily, and secretly, checked the zoo's web-site to see if the application had been posted. Nope, not yet. By the following Monday, I had forgotten about my vigilant checking, until quite out of the blue, at breakfast, my daughter, Kyria, blurts out, "Hayley might work at the zoo this summer, can I work at the zoo?"

At his sister's announcement, Elliott immediately looked up and EXCITEDLY EXCLAIMED "Hey I want to work at the zoo! I was going to do that! Can I do that?!" He said this loudly and with "unnatural-for-Elliot" expression - so much so that I'm left without a shadow of a doubt that GOD, indeed, answered my "fleece."


When asked what made her think of the zoo, Kyria didn't know why, it just came to mind; Hayley had mentioned it the previous Monday night at their girls' Bible study (the same Day, a week earlier, on which I had put out my "fleece.")

Icing on the cake highlighted GOD's timing, as I moved directly to my computer and found that the Zoo, that very morning, had posted the 2011 Teen-Keeper's application. I downloaded it. Elliott diligently filled it out, concentrating carefully on the essay questions, and e-mailed his Algebra/Science tutor, requesting the required letter of recommendation. By Tuesday afternoon we submitted all the paperwork and now Elliott happily and hopefully awaits the outcome of what, to me, seems very clearly GOD's leading.

"Gideon rose early the next day; he squeezed the fleece and wrung out the dew - a bowlful of water." - while all the ground was dry.

Seeing GOD's Face

For many years now, I've carried a growing longing in my heart to SEE GOD, face to face - sit across the table from HIM at a coffee shop and stare into HIS eyes and talk like friends. After all, my hero, Moses, talked to GOD "face to face as a man speaks to his friend." (Exodus 33:11) I suspect this is why Joshua constantly wanted to hang around Moses' tent. That's where I would be.

It was after about a week of really begging GOD for visual interaction, that HE succeeded in curbing my appetite for this specific request. While cooking at the stove and THINKING about GOD hiding Moses in the cleft of a rock, a flash of light unexpectedly struck my eyes, so bright that one eye saw spots for a couple of minutes after, and the other was temporarily blinded almost completely. In my anxiety about my impaired vision, I lost sight of what I'd been praying about and, even a moment before, had been thinking about. I frantically phoned my husband (who didn't know what to say or do) as my children wondered what could have happened to Mom. Kyria, sitting at the computer, only a few feet away, had seen nothing; together, we couldn't figure out the cause of the light.

To my great relief, within a relatively short time, effects of the "flash" faded and, back to my cooking and thinking (the THINKING part and GOD's TIMING is always crucial in understanding "GODspeak",) GOD brought to my mind an old hymn from my childhood. I could only recall a few words, but was able to look up the title in my trusty Methodist hymn book, a garage sale treasure. I read these stanzas (I'll share 1 & 4), with my 20/20 vision:



Immortal, Invisible GOD only wise;

In light inaccessible hid from our eyes.

Most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days,

almighty, victorious, thy great name we praise.



Thou reignest in glory; Thou dwellest in light;

Thine angels adore thee, all veiling their sight;

all laud we would render; O help us to see

'tis only the splendor of light hideth thee.


GOD's message to me seemed clear, for that time: If I valued my physical eyesight, I would have to be satisfied with the veil HE provided. Even more than with HIS reply, I'm satisfied with HIS ANSWERING - HE didn't just leave my request (though plaintive and repetitive,) hanging out in space somewhere between heaven and earth. HE reponded to my "Why?" - and that, without leaving me blind.
"The LORD confides in those who fear HIM;....and I - in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness." (Ps. 17 & 25)

Something Simple Speaks Volumes
I'm finding it very difficult, sometimes, to translate GOD's and my communication into an understandable "story" or explanation. John 4:24 tells us that "GOD is SPIRIT, and those who worship HIM must do so in SPIRIT and truth." GOD communicates with us NOT in the natural ways we are used to hearing people, or seeing their body language, but through feelings, thoughts, impressions and images somewhere deep inside of us - in our SPIRITs, I guess. Also, GOD speaks to us in our individual "SPIRIT" language, by which I mean, HE knows our emotional make-up, our unspoken dreams, hidden wounds, experiences from childhood and how WE interpreted them in our memory... and the zillion other parts of our thinking and being - uncommunicated and not understood completely by even ourselves. Because of our complexity, when HE speaks to an individual, the meaning is - LOADED, and not easily conveyed. I'll give a simple example from years ago.

When a woman I've never seen before shares, after the worship set on Sunday morning, that "GOD is very pleased with me," a bit of a prologue may reveal more depth. On the surface, the woman, probably in her 60's, prefaced the "message" with "I've never shared something like this before, but I believe the LORD wants me to tell you something." She happened to be sitting behind me and her kind words were completely unsolicited; she just kind of whispered to me as the music was dying down.

On a deeper note, experiencing much self-loathing growing up and always desiring my father, (the parent I saw as my greater ally in childhood), to be pleased with me, I had awoken that very Sunday morning singing a mournful song to God. The words and music, I composed, as I sang with tears in my eyes and a longing in my heart. It wasn't unusual for me to sing for quite a while on a Sunday morning, as my husband, a pastor, whose early church departure, left me with plenty of solitude before the service. Like my biblical hero, David, I enjoy singing my prayers, if I'm alone. The words to that morning's song went something like this: "O GOD, to hear you say 'well done,' - this is all I desire; to know YOU're pleased with me would be enough."
So, the woman's simple words to me that morning held more meaning than she could ever know; I told her this and thanked her. To this day, that short interchange holds me fast with the assurance that my heavenly FATHER IS indeed pleased with this undeserving child. Volumes of meaning in five simple words.