For many years now, I've carried a growing longing in my heart to SEE GOD, face to face - sit across the table from HIM at a coffee shop and stare into HIS eyes and talk like friends. After all, my hero, Moses, talked to GOD "face to face as a man speaks to his friend." (Exodus 33:11) I suspect this is why Joshua constantly wanted to hang around Moses' tent. That's where I would be.
It was after about a week of really begging GOD for visual interaction, that HE succeeded in curbing my appetite for this specific request. While cooking at the stove and THINKING about GOD hiding Moses in the cleft of a rock, a flash of light unexpectedly struck my eyes, so bright that one eye saw spots for a couple of minutes after, and the other was temporarily blinded almost completely. In my anxiety about my impaired vision, I lost sight of what I'd been praying about and, even a moment before, had been thinking about. I frantically phoned my husband (who didn't know what to say or do) as my children wondered what could have happened to Mom. Kyria, sitting at the computer, only a few feet away, had seen nothing; together, we couldn't figure out the cause of the light.
To my great relief, within a relatively short time, effects of the "flash" faded and, back to my cooking and thinking (the THINKING part and GOD's TIMING is always crucial in understanding "GODspeak",) GOD brought to my mind an old hymn from my childhood. I could only recall a few words, but was able to look up the title in my trusty Methodist hymn book, a garage sale treasure. I read these stanzas (I'll share 1 & 4), with my 20/20 vision:
Immortal, Invisible GOD only wise;
In light inaccessible hid from our eyes.
Most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days,
almighty, victorious, thy great name we praise.
Thou reignest in glory; Thou dwellest in light;
Thine angels adore thee, all veiling their sight;
all laud we would render; O help us to see
'tis only the splendor of light hideth thee.
GOD's message to me seemed clear, for that time: If I valued my physical eyesight, I would have to be satisfied with the veil HE provided. Even more than with HIS reply, I'm satisfied with HIS ANSWERING - HE didn't just leave my request (though plaintive and repetitive,) hanging out in space somewhere between heaven and earth. HE reponded to my "Why?" - and that, without leaving me blind.
"The LORD confides in those who fear HIM;....and I - in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness." (Ps. 17 & 25)
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Something Simple Speaks Volumes
I'm finding it very difficult, sometimes, to translate GOD's and my communication into an understandable "story" or explanation. John 4:24 tells us that "GOD is SPIRIT, and those who worship HIM must do so in SPIRIT and truth." GOD communicates with us NOT in the natural ways we are used to hearing people, or seeing their body language, but through feelings, thoughts, impressions and images somewhere deep inside of us - in our SPIRITs, I guess. Also, GOD speaks to us in our individual "SPIRIT" language, by which I mean, HE knows our emotional make-up, our unspoken dreams, hidden wounds, experiences from childhood and how WE interpreted them in our memory... and the zillion other parts of our thinking and being - uncommunicated and not understood completely by even ourselves. Because of our complexity, when HE speaks to an individual, the meaning is - LOADED, and not easily conveyed. I'll give a simple example from years ago.
When a woman I've never seen before shares, after the worship set on Sunday morning, that "GOD is very pleased with me," a bit of a prologue may reveal more depth. On the surface, the woman, probably in her 60's, prefaced the "message" with "I've never shared something like this before, but I believe the LORD wants me to tell you something." She happened to be sitting behind me and her kind words were completely unsolicited; she just kind of whispered to me as the music was dying down.
On a deeper note, experiencing much self-loathing growing up and always desiring my father, (the parent I saw as my greater ally in childhood), to be pleased with me, I had awoken that very Sunday morning singing a mournful song to God. The words and music, I composed, as I sang with tears in my eyes and a longing in my heart. It wasn't unusual for me to sing for quite a while on a Sunday morning, as my husband, a pastor, whose early church departure, left me with plenty of solitude before the service. Like my biblical hero, David, I enjoy singing my prayers, if I'm alone. The words to that morning's song went something like this: "O GOD, to hear you say 'well done,' - this is all I desire; to know YOU're pleased with me would be enough."
So, the woman's simple words to me that morning held more meaning than she could ever know; I told her this and thanked her. To this day, that short interchange holds me fast with the assurance that my heavenly FATHER IS indeed pleased with this undeserving child. Volumes of meaning in five simple words.
I'm finding it very difficult, sometimes, to translate GOD's and my communication into an understandable "story" or explanation. John 4:24 tells us that "GOD is SPIRIT, and those who worship HIM must do so in SPIRIT and truth." GOD communicates with us NOT in the natural ways we are used to hearing people, or seeing their body language, but through feelings, thoughts, impressions and images somewhere deep inside of us - in our SPIRITs, I guess. Also, GOD speaks to us in our individual "SPIRIT" language, by which I mean, HE knows our emotional make-up, our unspoken dreams, hidden wounds, experiences from childhood and how WE interpreted them in our memory... and the zillion other parts of our thinking and being - uncommunicated and not understood completely by even ourselves. Because of our complexity, when HE speaks to an individual, the meaning is - LOADED, and not easily conveyed. I'll give a simple example from years ago.
When a woman I've never seen before shares, after the worship set on Sunday morning, that "GOD is very pleased with me," a bit of a prologue may reveal more depth. On the surface, the woman, probably in her 60's, prefaced the "message" with "I've never shared something like this before, but I believe the LORD wants me to tell you something." She happened to be sitting behind me and her kind words were completely unsolicited; she just kind of whispered to me as the music was dying down.
On a deeper note, experiencing much self-loathing growing up and always desiring my father, (the parent I saw as my greater ally in childhood), to be pleased with me, I had awoken that very Sunday morning singing a mournful song to God. The words and music, I composed, as I sang with tears in my eyes and a longing in my heart. It wasn't unusual for me to sing for quite a while on a Sunday morning, as my husband, a pastor, whose early church departure, left me with plenty of solitude before the service. Like my biblical hero, David, I enjoy singing my prayers, if I'm alone. The words to that morning's song went something like this: "O GOD, to hear you say 'well done,' - this is all I desire; to know YOU're pleased with me would be enough."
So, the woman's simple words to me that morning held more meaning than she could ever know; I told her this and thanked her. To this day, that short interchange holds me fast with the assurance that my heavenly FATHER IS indeed pleased with this undeserving child. Volumes of meaning in five simple words.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Flashback on a Wave of Goodness
LORD GOD, I'll just write this to YOU. You are my BIGGEST follower, even as I follow YOU.
I'm sure YOU remember lounging with me by the poolside in Galveston, Texas while Kevin attended yet one more talk. My desire to be with You on my birthday afternoon brought me and your WORD out in the sun to reflect and meditate. My spirit soared freely, light with thankfulness for the blessed life You have been pleased to lead me into. I reflected on sorrow, tasting the bitterness once again but knowing that this too would pass on and leave me stronger, more resilient. You washed me once again, as You always do, and until I picked up the local paper and read the halting words of that arrogant columnist, I felt peaceful, content - even with my ever present LONGING for MORE - more of GOD, more of the wild ride of walking by YOUR SPIRIT.
The local columnist didn't mean to exclude his reader, I'm sure - for isn't the whole point of writing an article or book, etc.., to SHARE part of oneself, experience or imagination with another?? Never-the-less, EXCLUDED describes just how I felt as I read his article about surfing and gazing, in awestruck wonder, "through the tunnel" - the circular wall of water surrounding the surfer as a giant wave rolls toward the shore, the RIDER WITHIN. His tantalizing description of the sight and feeling, he prefaced with the separating comment "only a surfer will understand or appreciate .." At this disclaimer, my spirit fell - I am NOT, and for many reasons will NEVER be, a surfer. I supposed the columnist's audience consisted of only fellow adventurers of the BOARD, and wondered, pityingly, why I even bothered reading the rest.
To me, the being-left-out feeling not only included this "tunnel" experience, but encompassed much more of LIFE - for which I LONG. I proceeded to have a long talk with GOD about it; I poured out my heart to YOU, O GOD, do you remember? So much of YOU, the human heart, adventure and REVELATION I want to understand - I want to know, but how will I ever get there. I don't possess the giftedness, the time (I'm 40 + already and time is zooming by), the energy - I'll never make it. YOU, oh LORD, listened attentively and I sensed you had something - SOMETHING to say....
Kevin interrupted my thoughts to invite me into the computer room before dinner so I could see all my birthday wishes on facebook. Oh, loving Father GOD, you had the best birthday e-mail waiting for me and your timing speaks volumes of our intimate friendship! After reading a myriad of well wishes, I opened an e-mail from a dear man, father of my best friend, who had randomly sent out some photos he thought interesting - (not for my birthday.) Upon opening his attachment, three beautiful full color shots awaited me: all three views, from a surfer's perspective, gazing through "the tunnel" of magnificent ocean waves. Waves of warmth and love swept over me, as YOU spoke to me. "I have blessed you with an empathy and ability to see and understand the heart vicariously. You don't have to have gone through all experiences to grow through and speak into others joys and pain. MY BODY is a community of children who are meant to carry each others' burdens, share each others' successes, and experience each other's adventures."
I'm sure YOU remember lounging with me by the poolside in Galveston, Texas while Kevin attended yet one more talk. My desire to be with You on my birthday afternoon brought me and your WORD out in the sun to reflect and meditate. My spirit soared freely, light with thankfulness for the blessed life You have been pleased to lead me into. I reflected on sorrow, tasting the bitterness once again but knowing that this too would pass on and leave me stronger, more resilient. You washed me once again, as You always do, and until I picked up the local paper and read the halting words of that arrogant columnist, I felt peaceful, content - even with my ever present LONGING for MORE - more of GOD, more of the wild ride of walking by YOUR SPIRIT.
The local columnist didn't mean to exclude his reader, I'm sure - for isn't the whole point of writing an article or book, etc.., to SHARE part of oneself, experience or imagination with another?? Never-the-less, EXCLUDED describes just how I felt as I read his article about surfing and gazing, in awestruck wonder, "through the tunnel" - the circular wall of water surrounding the surfer as a giant wave rolls toward the shore, the RIDER WITHIN. His tantalizing description of the sight and feeling, he prefaced with the separating comment "only a surfer will understand or appreciate .." At this disclaimer, my spirit fell - I am NOT, and for many reasons will NEVER be, a surfer. I supposed the columnist's audience consisted of only fellow adventurers of the BOARD, and wondered, pityingly, why I even bothered reading the rest.
To me, the being-left-out feeling not only included this "tunnel" experience, but encompassed much more of LIFE - for which I LONG. I proceeded to have a long talk with GOD about it; I poured out my heart to YOU, O GOD, do you remember? So much of YOU, the human heart, adventure and REVELATION I want to understand - I want to know, but how will I ever get there. I don't possess the giftedness, the time (I'm 40 + already and time is zooming by), the energy - I'll never make it. YOU, oh LORD, listened attentively and I sensed you had something - SOMETHING to say....
Kevin interrupted my thoughts to invite me into the computer room before dinner so I could see all my birthday wishes on facebook. Oh, loving Father GOD, you had the best birthday e-mail waiting for me and your timing speaks volumes of our intimate friendship! After reading a myriad of well wishes, I opened an e-mail from a dear man, father of my best friend, who had randomly sent out some photos he thought interesting - (not for my birthday.) Upon opening his attachment, three beautiful full color shots awaited me: all three views, from a surfer's perspective, gazing through "the tunnel" of magnificent ocean waves. Waves of warmth and love swept over me, as YOU spoke to me. "I have blessed you with an empathy and ability to see and understand the heart vicariously. You don't have to have gone through all experiences to grow through and speak into others joys and pain. MY BODY is a community of children who are meant to carry each others' burdens, share each others' successes, and experience each other's adventures."
Thursday, February 3, 2011
God Has A Still Small Voice
"Pretend your bottom is super glued to you chair," I urged the children, hoping to restrain them from wildly chasing bubbles all over the room. I wanted them to just watch the beautiful rainbow spheres float gently for a few moments and then disappear.
Bubbles provided my object lesson for the way GOD speaks sometimes in a quiet whisper, very real and beautiful but brief in their impression upon us - . Sometimes THE GOD of the UNIVERSE speaks just this softly, in our thoughts, giving a momentary picture, phrase or idea, which after it's gone, if not acted upon or shared, can be easily dismissed and evaporate from all memory.
In HIS delight at us learning about following HIS voice, THE LORD demonstrated my point amazingly, in the week previous to my teaching. January 31 - a fifth Sunday - Oh joy, is celebrated at our church by a special worship service appropriately named "Fire by Night," after the way GOD's people were led through the desert in the time of Moses. Several congregations gather together to sing, pray, listen and practice all the gifts of GOD's SPIRIT. It was during a silence, in this service, that my bubble impression came gently to my mind's eye. I pictured a boy (near the back of the room; I didn't know this teen from another church) being struck, with a fist, across the jaw, and falling to the ground. After laying there several moments, he stood, faced his attacker and just looked at him - with eyes of love. I thought, the, "teen wants justice, but the LORD is saying -"mercy."" And I thought of the whole "turn the other cheek/love your enemy theme." But really, all this came to me in a moment - and since it didn't feel an altogether very "positive" word of encouragement, nor a very STRONG impression, I dismissed it.
The night progressed supernaturally, with many people coming forward with messages from GOD and leadings for ministry; prayer, worship and encouragement filled our small sanctuary. at least 45 minutes passed before GOD gave me another chance. This time, even more subtle than the first time, the same picture of the kid getting punched and "mercy" flashed across my brain. But this time, I thankfully remembered the lesson I would be teaching; how could I not act. Walking to the back of the room I contemplated how I might try to deliver this, possible, "message from GOD" in an uplifting way??? As I spoke to the teen, and his father standing beside him, I just laid it out there, what I saw and thought. I concluded with a weak, "Well, I hope this doesn't happen to you."
"Actually," the kid answered, "It already happened to me; It just happened to me." I tried not to look too dumbfounded.
Christopher, (as his name turned out to be) proceeded to tell me how at a baseball thing this kid had become angry with him and punched him hard across the face. Christopher fell to the floor and lay there for a few seconds, to angry to rise. When he did stand up, he just looked at the boy. Chris told me "It took everything in my power NOT to punch him back, but I didn't; I just looked at him till he walked away."
Oh, GOD, you are good. "Now I know why the LORD showed me this picture, Christopher," I told him. "HE wants you to know, and be encouraged, that HE is so very proud of you and pleased with you at the way you handled this situation." "You showed HIS mercy, in not striking back, and GOD is just so pleased."
Christopher and his father thanked me and we all thanked GOD - and I enjoyed sharing a cool example of a "bubble impression" with my Sunday school children. I wonder how many "GOD thoughts" we dismiss throughout the day, thinking they are just random snippets from our imagination. What kind of adventures might we encounter regularly, if we were constantly on the alert and "listening" to the quiet whisper of GOD?
I'm committed to writing as often as I can in this blog, over the next 12 weeks, sharing stories of how I've heard the LORD speak to me, personally in my life. I have a myriad of amazing adventures already to draw from. However, my hope is that I will pick up so many new ones weekly, and even daily, that I shall, if I continued for the rest of my life, never run out.
Bubbles provided my object lesson for the way GOD speaks sometimes in a quiet whisper, very real and beautiful but brief in their impression upon us - . Sometimes THE GOD of the UNIVERSE speaks just this softly, in our thoughts, giving a momentary picture, phrase or idea, which after it's gone, if not acted upon or shared, can be easily dismissed and evaporate from all memory.
In HIS delight at us learning about following HIS voice, THE LORD demonstrated my point amazingly, in the week previous to my teaching. January 31 - a fifth Sunday - Oh joy, is celebrated at our church by a special worship service appropriately named "Fire by Night," after the way GOD's people were led through the desert in the time of Moses. Several congregations gather together to sing, pray, listen and practice all the gifts of GOD's SPIRIT. It was during a silence, in this service, that my bubble impression came gently to my mind's eye. I pictured a boy (near the back of the room; I didn't know this teen from another church) being struck, with a fist, across the jaw, and falling to the ground. After laying there several moments, he stood, faced his attacker and just looked at him - with eyes of love. I thought, the, "teen wants justice, but the LORD is saying -"mercy."" And I thought of the whole "turn the other cheek/love your enemy theme." But really, all this came to me in a moment - and since it didn't feel an altogether very "positive" word of encouragement, nor a very STRONG impression, I dismissed it.
The night progressed supernaturally, with many people coming forward with messages from GOD and leadings for ministry; prayer, worship and encouragement filled our small sanctuary. at least 45 minutes passed before GOD gave me another chance. This time, even more subtle than the first time, the same picture of the kid getting punched and "mercy" flashed across my brain. But this time, I thankfully remembered the lesson I would be teaching; how could I not act. Walking to the back of the room I contemplated how I might try to deliver this, possible, "message from GOD" in an uplifting way??? As I spoke to the teen, and his father standing beside him, I just laid it out there, what I saw and thought. I concluded with a weak, "Well, I hope this doesn't happen to you."
"Actually," the kid answered, "It already happened to me; It just happened to me." I tried not to look too dumbfounded.
Christopher, (as his name turned out to be) proceeded to tell me how at a baseball thing this kid had become angry with him and punched him hard across the face. Christopher fell to the floor and lay there for a few seconds, to angry to rise. When he did stand up, he just looked at the boy. Chris told me "It took everything in my power NOT to punch him back, but I didn't; I just looked at him till he walked away."
Oh, GOD, you are good. "Now I know why the LORD showed me this picture, Christopher," I told him. "HE wants you to know, and be encouraged, that HE is so very proud of you and pleased with you at the way you handled this situation." "You showed HIS mercy, in not striking back, and GOD is just so pleased."
Christopher and his father thanked me and we all thanked GOD - and I enjoyed sharing a cool example of a "bubble impression" with my Sunday school children. I wonder how many "GOD thoughts" we dismiss throughout the day, thinking they are just random snippets from our imagination. What kind of adventures might we encounter regularly, if we were constantly on the alert and "listening" to the quiet whisper of GOD?
I'm committed to writing as often as I can in this blog, over the next 12 weeks, sharing stories of how I've heard the LORD speak to me, personally in my life. I have a myriad of amazing adventures already to draw from. However, my hope is that I will pick up so many new ones weekly, and even daily, that I shall, if I continued for the rest of my life, never run out.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
the productivity parodox
10 years ago GOD called me away; actually, HE'd been calling me for a lot longer than that, but at this time it was HIS loving rebuke which finally compelled me to action. As far back as junior high, my immobilizing "vice," used to combat stress, anger and other undesirable emotions, was sleep. On through college and into adult/family-hood, when life expectations overwhelmed me - I ran for a nap. I was fastidious about the hours of rem I received every night - waking in the morning to look at my clock and quickly calculating the hours. If my rest didn't add up to 8 hours of shut-eye, anger and self pity built, beginning an irritating day, the nagging thought "it wasn't enough" following me around like a drizzely rain cloud.
One morning, upon waking to my normal "inventory taking," out of the blue, God put in my mind a scripture passage which I had not looked at in a long time. Turning to 1 Chronicles 21:1, I read a story about Satan inciting King David to number his armies, which angered the LORD. God sternly spoke to my spirit, informing me that this was exactly what I was doing in my calculating hours of sleep. Ps. 33:16-18 reminds us.....
"No king (or busy homeschooling mom) is saved by the size of his army (or her hours rem);
no warrior escapes by his great strength.
A horse is vain hope for deliverance (and adequate sleep won't insure peace and joy)
despite all it's great strength it cannot save
But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear HIM, (true rest is from HIM)
On those whose hope is in HIS unfailing love.... "
I responded incrementally but completely, praying often another Ps., 32 -
"Oh LORD, remember David
and all the hardships he endured.
He swore an oath to the LORD
and made a vow to the Mighty One of Jacob;
"I will not enter my house
or go to my bed -
I will allow no sleep to my eyes.
no slumber to my eyelids,
till I find a place for the LORD
a dwelling for the Mighty One of Jacob."
...and asking GOD for a place in my life for HIM. He gave me from 5:00 to 7:00 a.m. for His resting place. For the last 9 years, I've thrived on far less sleep; but life has been much less "survival," than a rich feast of refreshing REST from the LORD. During these hours, I waste time with HIM - soaking in HIS revelation, perspective and peace. The strength and wisdom this time in HIS presence has continually fueled could not be rivaled by a lifetime of 8 hour nights of sound sleep. In times of busyness, stress and sorrow, this appointment with JESUS has been, to my spirit, a well of cool water in the driest of deserts. Some days, when I've gotten to bed late or my bed feels particularly warm and the temptation to go back to sleep pulls hard, I do think of my early hours as an APPOINTMENT with HIM - "What might I miss if I stay in bed?, I force myself to ask. Surely the loss would be mine.
I often go out to a 24 hour coffee shop, just down the street, where over the years, I've become part of the furniture from 5-7 in the morning. Many "regulars;" business men and women, homeless who sleep sitting up at the tables through the cold nights, fellow eccentric early risers like myself and MSU and LCC students who haven't yet made it to bed, have become my friends and warm acquaintances. Every once and a while when I'm planning to speak or teach, I have brought my son's laptop computer, and someone will inevitably comment on how "I'm becoming productive." I've just smiled and joked about their perspective on "productivity," arguing that simply spending time with Jesus, reading HIS word, listening to HIS voice, journaling what HE says, etc... is more productive than they may think. Interesting facial expressions always follow a remark like that, and sometimes rich conversations ensue.
I began reflecting on my 9+ years of wasting mornings with GOD on Monday, as I spent the afternoon with a missionary to Hong Kong, home on furlough. She inspired me immensely as she spoke of how she was spending her few months back in the states; she has a lot of "free time" right now, and has chosen to daily ask GOD how HE wants her to spend it. She prays and fasts and reads HIS word, and worships with guitar and singing - and she "soaks" in HIS presence, and just sits quietly with HIM for hours, listening and simply being. A self proclaimed "doer" by nature, this lovely girl, who exudes peace and contentment, shared with me a profound truth JESUS has revealed to her during this time home. HE assured her that her view of productivity and HIS are quite different. HE promised her that every moment they spend time together, HE IS DOING A WORK in her, whether or not she knows what that is or even feels it happening. When she is resting in HIS presence, THIS IS the most productive time in her walk with JESUS.
Her words resonate with my spirit, because I have felt the reservior of truth and life well up in me and produce streams of living water.
"If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.
Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said,
streams of living water will flow form within him" - JESUS
God is very paradoxical, really. I mean, loving your enemies and loosing you life to gain it and using the weak things of the world to shame the strong are just a few of HIS "backward" ideas. So, it's not so surprising that GOD's idea of "productivity" is most people's idea of in-activity. I'm headed to Florida in couple of weeks and looking forward to some slow down time - in a new way than I have before. For the past couple of days I've had this song running through my head. I only can think of one line, unfortunately - but it's a good one:
"..just sitting on the dock of the bay, wasting time...."
Blessings ~
One morning, upon waking to my normal "inventory taking," out of the blue, God put in my mind a scripture passage which I had not looked at in a long time. Turning to 1 Chronicles 21:1, I read a story about Satan inciting King David to number his armies, which angered the LORD. God sternly spoke to my spirit, informing me that this was exactly what I was doing in my calculating hours of sleep. Ps. 33:16-18 reminds us.....
"No king (or busy homeschooling mom) is saved by the size of his army (or her hours rem);
no warrior escapes by his great strength.
A horse is vain hope for deliverance (and adequate sleep won't insure peace and joy)
despite all it's great strength it cannot save
But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear HIM, (true rest is from HIM)
On those whose hope is in HIS unfailing love.... "
I responded incrementally but completely, praying often another Ps., 32 -
"Oh LORD, remember David
and all the hardships he endured.
He swore an oath to the LORD
and made a vow to the Mighty One of Jacob;
"I will not enter my house
or go to my bed -
I will allow no sleep to my eyes.
no slumber to my eyelids,
till I find a place for the LORD
a dwelling for the Mighty One of Jacob."
...and asking GOD for a place in my life for HIM. He gave me from 5:00 to 7:00 a.m. for His resting place. For the last 9 years, I've thrived on far less sleep; but life has been much less "survival," than a rich feast of refreshing REST from the LORD. During these hours, I waste time with HIM - soaking in HIS revelation, perspective and peace. The strength and wisdom this time in HIS presence has continually fueled could not be rivaled by a lifetime of 8 hour nights of sound sleep. In times of busyness, stress and sorrow, this appointment with JESUS has been, to my spirit, a well of cool water in the driest of deserts. Some days, when I've gotten to bed late or my bed feels particularly warm and the temptation to go back to sleep pulls hard, I do think of my early hours as an APPOINTMENT with HIM - "What might I miss if I stay in bed?, I force myself to ask. Surely the loss would be mine.
I often go out to a 24 hour coffee shop, just down the street, where over the years, I've become part of the furniture from 5-7 in the morning. Many "regulars;" business men and women, homeless who sleep sitting up at the tables through the cold nights, fellow eccentric early risers like myself and MSU and LCC students who haven't yet made it to bed, have become my friends and warm acquaintances. Every once and a while when I'm planning to speak or teach, I have brought my son's laptop computer, and someone will inevitably comment on how "I'm becoming productive." I've just smiled and joked about their perspective on "productivity," arguing that simply spending time with Jesus, reading HIS word, listening to HIS voice, journaling what HE says, etc... is more productive than they may think. Interesting facial expressions always follow a remark like that, and sometimes rich conversations ensue.
I began reflecting on my 9+ years of wasting mornings with GOD on Monday, as I spent the afternoon with a missionary to Hong Kong, home on furlough. She inspired me immensely as she spoke of how she was spending her few months back in the states; she has a lot of "free time" right now, and has chosen to daily ask GOD how HE wants her to spend it. She prays and fasts and reads HIS word, and worships with guitar and singing - and she "soaks" in HIS presence, and just sits quietly with HIM for hours, listening and simply being. A self proclaimed "doer" by nature, this lovely girl, who exudes peace and contentment, shared with me a profound truth JESUS has revealed to her during this time home. HE assured her that her view of productivity and HIS are quite different. HE promised her that every moment they spend time together, HE IS DOING A WORK in her, whether or not she knows what that is or even feels it happening. When she is resting in HIS presence, THIS IS the most productive time in her walk with JESUS.
Her words resonate with my spirit, because I have felt the reservior of truth and life well up in me and produce streams of living water.
"If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.
Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said,
streams of living water will flow form within him" - JESUS
God is very paradoxical, really. I mean, loving your enemies and loosing you life to gain it and using the weak things of the world to shame the strong are just a few of HIS "backward" ideas. So, it's not so surprising that GOD's idea of "productivity" is most people's idea of in-activity. I'm headed to Florida in couple of weeks and looking forward to some slow down time - in a new way than I have before. For the past couple of days I've had this song running through my head. I only can think of one line, unfortunately - but it's a good one:
"..just sitting on the dock of the bay, wasting time...."
Blessings ~
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